Food For Thought

‘If you really want to make a friend, go to someone’s house and eat with him… the people who give you their food give you their heart.'                                                                              Cesar Chavez (Civil Rights Activist)

As we are approaching the winter festive season, I thought that this would be a good time to include a post on the many ways food contributes to our psychological well-being. Of course, food plays a very central role in our lives- we spend a lot of time shopping for food or even growing it ourselves, deciding what and how much to eat, preparing the meals, serving and eating them, deciding on where to eat and who we share our food with. Food therefore has complex implications for our well-being through many variable ways. However, sometimes food (or more precisely: our relationship to food) can also be a source of unhappiness.

Food as a pleasure

First of all, eating is of course a physical need. But beyond that, we all know that eating food is pleasurable. Eating food activates the reward center in our brain, leading to a release of the neurotransmitter dopamine, which makes us feel good.¹

The interesting thing about experiencing food is that it stimulates all of our senses: it is not just its taste which contributes to our enjoyment, but also how it looks and smells, its texture and consistency. Sometimes there are even typical sounds associated with eating certain foods. It has been shown that there are direct links between the stimulation of our nerve cells when eating food, and our emotional reactions.² These emotional reactions are predominantly positive, like satisfaction or enjoyment, and it is thought that eating reduces anxiety. It is therefore probably no surprise that we often use food as a reward for ourselves and for the people around us.

Food as an opportunity to experience growth, meaning, belonging and gratitude

It has been shown that people who grow their own food are happier than people who do not,² and there is evidence that creative cooking and gardening (which may include growing our own food) directly increase our well-being in many different ways.³ And beyond being a simple culinary pleasure, food can also evoke more profound positive feelings. These deeper beneficial effects include:

• Cooking and growing food offer an opportunity to experience accomplishment, mastery and the development of skills.³ For example, in order to grow our own food, we need to have a good understanding of the seasons and learn about different plants. Similarly, we apply different techniques and skills by trying out new recipes when cooking. These factors can give us a positive sense of control over our environment, self-efficacy and personal growth. Further beneficial effects include self-fulfillment, a stronger sense of identity, self-help, and mutual support. Additionally, self-grown food can taste better, giving us a further enhancement of pleasure when eating it.²
• Choosing and consuming specific types of food can also be source of positive emotions, if it is aligned with our values and ethical views. For example, consumers of organic food have reported a sensation of comfort, safety and tradition associated with their food choices. We may also feel better when we grow and produce food ourselves, or when buying locally produced foods, which not only helps the environment but also our local community.²
• Food also strongly contributes to our sense of identity;⁴ it gives us a sense of belonging and traditional continuity, as some foods and recipes are handed down over many generations in families, and local or religious communities. We tend to enjoy eating food that we have grown up with- which is why migrants (including myself) typically take their traditional foods and dishes with them. Food can also play an important role for social bonding and cultural exchange (see below).
• Meal times are opportunities for practicing gratitude, whether we are religious or not. Gratitude is a highly effective way of increasing well-being, because it counteracts the effects of hedonic adaptation (the fact that we quickly get used our outer living conditions), effects of social comparison (our tendency to compare our life with that of other people, who we feel are better off than we are), and the negativity bias (the tendency of most people to notice negative events more prominently than positive ones). The simple act of being grateful that we have something to eat can therefore give our life satisfaction a boost.

Opportunity for healthy living- not only for the body!^6-7

Paying attention to what we eat and our relationship to food is not only immensely important for our physical, but also for our mental health. What constitutes ‘healthy’ diet may vary somewhat from country to country. However, a diet high in fruit, vegetable, whole grains, dietary fiber, and low in saturated fats and refined carbohydrates (such as sugar and white flour), red and processed meats is generally recommended. Over the last decades, many interesting and sometimes surprising findings relating to diet and health have been revealed.

For example, there is increasing and compelling evidence that nutrition plays a direct role for our mental well-being. For example, diets high in vegetables, fish and whole grains have been associated with a reduced likelihood of depression. Conversely, ‘unhealthy’ diets (foods low in fiber but high in processed meats, sugar and fat) have been linked to a poorer mental health. Although there may be sometimes an association with other lifestyle factors (e.g. smoking, exercise etc.), the effects of diet seem to be to a large degree independent.

One reason why a high-quality diet supports healthy brain function is of course because it contains essential nutrients. But there is also another suggested way how food improves our well-being: namely via the microbes in our intestines. All of us carry around 100 trillion microorganisms in our guts, and it has been discovered that there appears to be a significant interaction between these microbes and our central nervous system via nerve cells, hormones and the immune system (so called gut-brain axis).

Research suggests, that the gut microbes can have a significant influence on our mood and emotions, in addition to being important for a healthy digestion and integrity of the intestinal wall. Importantly, the balance of microbes in our intestines can be influenced by life-style factors. As we learnt in last week's post, spending time in nature can modify the gut microbiome in a positive way. But our diet plays an even more important role for the balance of microbes, accounting for approximately 50% of the observed variability. Particularly consumption of complex carbohydrates, fermented foods and plant-based diets (vegetable/fruit) appear to have a beneficial influence on the gut microorganisms. Conversely, diets high in fat, refined sugars and processed foods containing artificial emulsifiers and sweeteners are suggested to have a negative impact.

Food as a connection to people and nature

Preparing and eating food together provides a valuable opportunity to spend time with other people. Cooking for somebody and sharing your food is a way of showing that you care.  Joined meals may increase cohesion and bonding within families or between friends, but food can also create bridges to people we do not know that well, as noted by Cesar Chavez. It has been well documented that food can bring us together and strengthen social ties even across cultural differences.^2,4 Food acts as a reminder of our common humanity (as we all have to eat, and have an emotional relationship to certain types of food) and spending time with other people builds social resources, a network that we can rely on when times get tough.

Food can also be seen as a connection to nature and food producers; even if we do not grow the food ourselves, we can acknowledge the fact that it comes from nature and from farmers who we depend on, which may foster a sense of connection.²

The difficult side of food^1,2,9,10

Overconsumption of food now poses a significant health risk in many countries, while malnourishment sadly still constitutes a problem in others. Regarding food overconsumption, particularly food high in saturated fat and refined sugars has been found to be problematic, with intake of a large number of ‘empty calories’ due to non-nutrient-containing, synthesized foods and sugary drinks. Ironically, stress also specifically increases our appetite for foods which are high in sugar and fat, which is why ‘comfort foods’ tend to be unhealthy.

At the same time, we tend to be preoccupied with our outward physical appearance, with slim and toned bodies being suggested as the ideal. It has been proposed that the discrepancy between the reality of a sedentary lifestyle and high calorie intake leading to easy weight gain, and the mostly unreachable body ideal is not only one of the reasons for the high prevalence of eating disorders, but also of depression, particularly in women.

Our food intake is regulated by a large number of different factors: Not only our physiological needs and energy balance of our body, and hormonal influence, but also by learned reward behavior, habits, convenience, opportunity and social factors. For example, instead of eating only when we are hungry and stopping to eat when we have reached the point of satiety, we may have the unhealthy habit to eat out of boredom, as a way of dealing with stress, or as a reward. Or we may start to anxiously over-monitor our caloric intake.

The danger with these eating habits is that eating may become an automated behavior and/or eating may even become associated with negative feelings. We may either stop paying close attention to what and how much we eat and become less sensitive to the varied sensory pleasures; or we may become overly restrictive, not allowing us any little pleasures as our relationship to food has become associated with a degree of self-loathing.

These problems are complex and there is no easy solution. Dieting for weight loss certainly does not appear to be effective, as the vast majority of people simply put the weight back on in the long run, or even gain more weight.   

The main trouble seems to be that if we try to go on a diet motivated by weight loss (because we do not like ourselves as we are), we are likely to see it as ‘a diet that we have to stick to’. And if our wish to change our diet is born out of a degree of anxiety or preoccupation with the way we look, it is likely that we are going to find it more difficult to stick to a certain regime. We are therefore more likely to be successful, if we wish to change our long-term lifestyle in order to live a healthier and better life. This is because rather than being motivated by negative emotions, we use more positive and sustainable incentives. It can also be very helpful to simply pay more active attention to our food and eating: deliberately taking in all the different sensations that we notice when eating our meal and focusing on our experience. You can also find more information about this in the post Learning To Resist Tempations: Self-control And Balancing The Short And Long View. In this way, we can more easily find the balance between allowing ourselves little extra pleasures and even overindulging from time to time (including Christmas time or other holidays) without feeling guilty, while mostly choosing a life-style which supports our long-term health.

Conclusion:

There is a Finnish proverb, which summarizes the relationship between food and well-being rather well: ‘Happiness is a place between too much and too little.’ I hope that you all have a good time during the next week, and that this post has helped to raise a little more awareness of the pleasure and positive aspects that food can bring to us. And if you feel that you could benefit from a long-term change in your diet, you may have found some more motivation to do this after the holidays.

References and further reading:

1. Alonso-Alonso M, Woods SC, Pelchat M, Grigson PS, Stice E, Farooqi S, Khoo CS, Mattes RD, Beauchamp GK. Food reward system: current perspectives and future research needs. Nutrition Reviews. 2015; 73(5):296-307.

2. Franco LS, Shanahan DF, Fuller RA. A review of the benefits of nature experiences: More than meets the eye. International Journal of Environmental Research and Public Health. 2017;14:864.

3. All-Party Parliamentary Group on Arts, Health and Wellbeing Inquiry Report (2017). Creative Health: The Arts for Health and Wellbeing. Retrieved from: http://www.artshealthandwellbeing.org.uk/appg-inquiry/

4. Schermuly AC, Forbes-Mewett H. Food, identity and belonging: a case study of South African-Australians. British Food Journal. 2016;118(10):2434-2443.  

5. 2. Lyubomirsky S. The Myths of Happiness: What should make you happy but doesn’t, what shouldn’t make you happy but does. Penguin Books; New York. 2013.

6. Jacka FN. Nutritional Psychiatry: Where to Next? EBioMedicine. 2017;17:24-29.

7. Franco LS, Shanahan DF, Fuller RA. A review of the benefits of nature experiences: More than meets the eye. International Journal of Environmental Research and Public Health. 2017;14:864.

8. Grenham S, Clarke G, Cryan JF, Dinan TG. Brain–gut–microbe communication in health and disease. Frontiers in Psychology. 2011;2:94

9. Seligman MEP. What you Can Change and What you Can’t: The Complete Guide to Successful Self-Improvement. Nicholas Brealey Publishing; London, UK. 2010.
10. Kabat-Zinn J: Full Catastrophe Living: How To Cope With Stress, Pain and Illness Using Mindfulness Meditation. Piatkus. 2013.

If you found this information helpful, please consider supporting the campaign under Just Giving. Of course it is also great if you choose to support another charity or do a practical good deed, but it would be nice if you could let me know that you have done this because you felt inspired by this campaign. Please also feel free to share this post and let me know if you have any constructive feedback- good or bad! 

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Strengthening The Bond- Improving Relationships With Other People

‘If you were going to die soon and had only one phone call you could make, who would you call and what would you say? And why are you waiting?’

                                                                                                                        Stephen Levine (Poet and Author)

                                                                                                                             

       

As explained in the last post (The Bond Between Us- Social Relationships), our well-being relies to a very large degree on close and trusting relationships with others. This applies as much to an individual interpersonal level as to the relationship between different groups of people. Human relationships are complex; although we have huge capacities for mutual understanding as well as supportive and empathic behaviour, there is clearly also a tremendous potential for misunderstandings and conflicts. 

All human interaction depends very much on two things: communication and emotions. Interestingly it has been shown that in interpersonal interactions only 7% of the emotional meaning is conveyed in words (explicit verbal communication), whereas 38% are communicated through the tone and rhythm of the voice and an astonishing 55% of meaning is communicated through our language and facial expressions (non-verbal communication).¹ This is worthwhile to bear in mind in any situation, but it is probably particularly important to remember when dealing with difficult interpersonal relationships, which we will come to in another post shortly.

So any relationship depends on our ability and willingness to make ourselves understood with both, verbal and non-verbal signals and to interpret the signals of the other person correctly. And the other person has to do the same. No wonder that so many things can go wrong! 

Today we will look initially at all the practical things we can do to develop and support good relationships in general terms, mainly focusing on ‘uncomplicated’ relationships. With ‘uncomplicated’ I mean that there are no major conflicts and the people involved have no general difficulties to form relationships. The next two posts are then going to look into the more tricky aspects of relationships. 

You are the key:

This may sound very basic but is probably the most important thing to bear in mind. As much as we would love it, we cannot directly change other people. You are the only person whose attitude and behaviour you can directly change. As a general rule, people tend to respond positively on positive interactions (and negative on negative interactions) through the way of emotional contagion and reciprocity.^2-4 So, most of the time and with most people your efforts to build and improve relationships will be rewarded. However, we are well advised not to expect (or even worse demand) gratitude, affection, attention or certain behaviours of others. 

As mentioned earlier, dealing well with other people requires good communication skills; but additionally, we also need a healthy portion of persistence, courage and emotional intelligence, including (self-)acceptance, self-knowledge, empathy and compassion.^1,2 These skills can be learned and we will cover the more general underlying principles of social interactions in the following weeks.

So what can I do?

Of course there are different types of relationships, which influence how we deal with the other person(s), e.g. romantic partners/spouses, children, parents, other family members, friends, acquaintances, colleagues, customers or clients, and strangers that we meet in our private daily lives. 

The following points therefore apply to the different types of relationships to a variable degree: 

• Try and treat every interaction as an opportunity to create or strengthen a relationship.⁷ The more time we spend with other people, the more likely we are to benefit from the social contact,⁷ provided that we have meaningful interactions. 

• Have realistic expectations of other people and your relationships. For example, it is completely normal for romantic relationships to make a transformation from ‘passionate love’ to ‘compassionate love’ over the years. Desire and passion usually gives way to a calmer and more friendship-like relationship, and if we are not careful, the effects of hedonic adaptation may make us take other people (including our partner) for granted.^5,6 This does not mean that there is a problem with the relationship itself- it is an entirely normal effect. However, introducing variety, stimulation and surprise into your relationship helps to delay the effects of hedonic adaptation somewhat, so that you don’t get stuck in a rut that easily. ^5,7 Be inventive, plan little surprises for your partner and try new activities together.

• Be attentive and listen: One reason good relationships with other people are so important for us is, because these people make us feel that we matter; they give us the sense that we are truly being heard and seen.^1,2  However, we can only give somebody the feeling that he/she is being heard if we are prepared to give them our full attention and if we are prepared to listen. 

• Rules for good communication:
• There are four types of responding when being involved in any conversation: active constructive (we show active support), passive constructive (understated support), passive destructive (we ignore what the other person says or does), and active destructive (we criticise or point out negative aspects about what the other person says or does). Here are some examples: If somebody tells us that they got a job promotion, we can say ‘Excellent news! You really deserve this for all your hard work. What does your new role involve?’ (active constructive), or plainly reply ‘How nice.’ (passive constructive), or ‘I wonder what we should have for dinner tonight.’ (passive destructive), or ‘I bet that will involve a lot of overtime. Do you really think that you will be able to cope with that?’ Unsurprisingly, giving an active constructive response (whenever possible) fosters a higher degree of trust, intimacy and satisfaction in relationships.⁵ 
• If you don’t like what the other person says or does, it is of course possible to give suggestions for improvement and even criticism where appropriate. However, in order for our relationships to grow, it is important to give this more negative feedback in a constructive and tactful way, with the genuine intention to improve the situation, rather than the intention to hurt or belittle the other person.⁶ In fact, particularly if there is the need for any sort of criticism, it helps to also mention the things the other person is doing well- this tends to make critical comments more effective.⁶ 
• If we want our relationships to become closer, we need to have the courage to open up and allow others to share our experiences, emotions and thoughts. Sharing with others strengthens our social bonds, as it creates closeness and an atmosphere of safety and trust.^1,7 Opening up also means being able to ask others for help in times of need. This is what friends are for and many people are only too happy to help, as this improves their well-being as well.^6,7
• Decrease needlessly negative comments, gossip and sarcasm: Talking negatively about others and make sarcastic jokes may sometimes feel relieving or even exciting, but in the long run it actually has a corrosive effect on us and others. When you talk about other people (whether they are present or not) try to avoid needless aggression. Life is sometimes tough enough so there is no need to increase the negativity by additional negative, unproductive chatter. This does of course not mean, that you cannot get things of your chest, but when we talk about negative experiences, we should try to do this in a measured way without adding additional negativity.⁷ 

• Positive affirmation of other people, helping others to grow and achieve their ‘ideal self’: If we are generous and provide others with support and encouragement, they are more likely to do the same for us when we need it.⁵

• Appreciation and gratitude:^5,7 Appreciating and feeling grateful for the presence of others in our lives makes us feel closer to them. But we can deepen our relationships even further if we are able to express this appreciation to the other person and tell them that they matter to us. This is what the quote by Stephen Levine about. So ensure that you make that phone call before it is too late.  

• The power of touch: Physical contact with people we trust releases the ‘bonding hormone’ oxytocin, which makes us feel calm, relaxed and content. At the same time, our stress hormones are decreased.⁵ So when appropriate, physical contact helps to deepen our connections.

• Increase opportunities to feel joy, contentment, curiosity and pride (about achievement): Feeling these positive emotions gives us more trust and openness when dealing with other people,⁵ and they can therefore help us to build relationships.

• Be prepared to forgive: Forgiveness is a difficult topic and will be discussed in more detail in a separate post. However, it has been shown that the capacity for genuine forgiveness contributes to positive relationships.⁵

• Be empathic, compassionate and kind:
• Small acts kindness reaffirm relationships and allow new ones to grow.^5,7 This does not need to be anything too taxing: helping your partner with household chores, giving a colleague a compliment or buying somebody their favourite bar of chocolate is enough to help and increase your bonds. You do not need a reason for these small courtesies, in fact, if they are random they increase the effect of surprise, which may increase their effect even further.⁵
• Empathy and compassion lie at the very root of positive mutual relationships.^1,2 You can cultivate empathy and compassion for example by loving-kindness meditations,⁷ which is a practice allowing you to increase feelings of warmth and caring for yourself and others. This form of meditation has shown to have several benefits, including increased feelings of self-acceptance, trust and sense of meaning, which all benefit our ability to connect with others.⁷ There will be a separate post on the important topic of empathy and compassion, and it will also feature in the next two posts as a key element when dealing with more difficult relationships.

Preview: As we all know, relationships are not always straightforward- next week we will look into the reasons why people sometimes find it difficult to connect, and what we can do about it. 

References and further evidence-based reading:

1. Graham L. Bouncing Back: Rewiring Your Brain for Maximum Resilience and Well-Being. New World Library; Novato. 2013.

2. Siegel D. Mindsight: Transform Your Brain with the New Science of Kindness. Oneworld Publications; Oxford, UK. 2011.

3. Fredrickson B. Positivity: Groundbreaking Research to Release Your Inner Optimist and Thrive. Oneworld Publications; Oxford, England. 2010. 

4. Greene J. Moral Tribes: Emotion, Reason, and the Gap Between Us and Them. Atlantic Books. 2014

5. Lyubomirsky S. The Myths of Happiness: What should make you happy but doesn’t, what shouldn’t make you happy but does. Penguin Books; New York. 2013. 

6. Diener E, Biswas-Diener R. Happiness: Unlocking the Mysteries of Psychological Wealth. Blackwell Publishing; Oxford, UK. 2008

7. Fredrickson B. Positivity: Groundbreaking Research to Release Your Inner Optimist and Thrive. Oneworld Publications; Oxford, England. 2010.

If you found this information helpful, please consider supporting the campaign under Just Giving. Of course it is also great if you choose to support another charity or do a practical good deed, but it would be nice if you could let me know that you have done this because you felt inspired by this campaign. Please also feel free to share this post and let me know if you have any constructive feedback- good or bad!

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Follow the Blog- http://followthegoodlifecampaign.blogspot.co.uk

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Donations are in aid of the International Rescue Committee and the World Veterinary Service

Aiming High: Accomplishments and Goals

 ‘After climbing a great hill, one only finds that there are many more hills to climb.’

                                                                                                       Nelson Mandela

Like many other people that I know, I have to admit that I have always some sort of project on the go or an ambition to fulfill (and often too many at a time!). Accomplishment of personally important and meaningful long-term goals is one of the core components of mental well-being, together with positive emotions, engagement, meaning and positive relationships with other people.¹ Humans appear to have a need to strive, due to an inner drive and motivation – some of us more and some less, but we all have this need. Particularly in the veterinary profession, the number of ‘high achievers’ is relatively large. However, as much as goal pursuit can enrich our lives, it is not without its pitfalls. So today we are going to look at the accomplishment and goal pursuit in a bit more detail.

Why accomplishments are important for us:

• Goal pursuit gives opportunity for developing talents and mastering new skills. It also creates dynamic interactions with other people, and is associated with meaning.^1,2
• Achieving goals increases our self-esteem,^3,4 and by using our strengths during the pursuit of valued goals we increase our psychological wealth.⁵
• Although we sometimes have to sacrifice short-term pleasures in order to achieve long-term goals, we often derive direct pleasure/positive emotions from the activities leading to the overall aim.^1,5 For example, my private ambition this year is to complete the Charity Challenge by writing this blog throughout the course of this year- and I am really enjoying researching and writing the posts although this leaves me with less spare time.   

A little bit more about the theory of goal pursuit:

• Any achievement is the product of two components: Skill and effort.¹ Skill is partially determined by your natural talent. However, even if you are not very talented in a certain area but you are prepared to dedicate a lot of time and determination into the chosen activity, you may achieve more than someone with more talent, who is not putting any effort in. Also, once you have increased your skills by training, you need less effort to accomplish certain tasks. For example, even if you are not a natural sports talent, you will find it easier to complete a 3-mile run after you have been training for some time, than at the outset. How much effort we are prepared to put into a certain goal very much depends on our motivation and self-discipline, which are in turn determined by the passion we have for the chosen aim and our persistence (= the willingness to persevere with the activity without immediate rewards and despite set-backs which may occur on the way).¹
• The pursuit of an accomplishment has two components: the process of working towards the goal, and the goal itself, and we can be more process-orientated or more goal-orientated.⁵
• There are two types of motivation: Extrinsic motivation means that we are pursuing an activity because of external rewards (e.g. money, or by winning the attention/admiration/praise of other people); intrinsic motivation means that we are working on something because the activity gives us direct pleasure and because we genuinely care about the end result of our activity.^2,3,6  
• In order for an accomplishment to contribute to our well-being, it is important to have the right balance between our skills, resources and energy, the personal importance of the goal and the difficulty of the challenge.⁵ If we perceive the goal to be too easy, we may get bored but if we perceive the goal to be too difficult to reach, we may become overly stressed and anxious. If the balance is just right, we experience ‘eustress’ which is a positive and pleasant type of stress.⁵

Potential difficulties associated with accomplishments and goal pursuit:

• The ‘Top of the Hill Problem’: We are often poor predictors of what makes us happy, and how long it will make us happy for. Achieving a long-term goal does make us happy, but generally only for a relatively short time, due to the effects of hedonic adaptation, which we have already discussed in previous posts.^2,3,5 It is not unusual to fall into a smaller or bigger dip after a great achievement as the excitement wears off. Therefore we should not put an overly strong emphasis on one goal, but realize that we need to continue identifying new goals for sustained well-being.^1,2,5
• Choosing an unhelpful goal:

o   Unrealistic goals: Having ambitious goals is not a problem, as long as they are still within realms of reality- otherwise they can soon become a great source of frustration.²

o   Defining success itself as the goal: Success (be it measured by money or fame) is not a helpful goal, particularly if it is only pursued as a proxy in order to be accepted or respected by other people. In the last post (Can Money Buy Happiness?) we already mentioned that a materialistic attitude is often associated with a lower level of well-being,^3,5 and therefore unhelpful. There is also evidence that pursuing an activity for external rewards makes us less creative.⁶ Paradoxically, this may result in a situation where success is much more likely to come if we do not pursue it as the primary goal, but if we are intrinsically motivated and have an interest in the activity itself.²

• If we are overly goal-orientated and/or extrinsically motivated, we also do not tend to enjoy the process/the activity itself. This can significantly decrease our well-being, particularly if the achievement requires a lot of effort.⁵
• Fear of failure: If a goal is extremely important to us or we fear that we lack the skill to achieve it, we can become highly stressed and anxious.⁵ Also, if we tend to use achievement as our main source of self-esteem, our self-worth is under threat in the event of failure so that we feel that there is more at stake.² Similar to defining success as the primary goal, excessive fear of failure and extreme perfectionism can make us ironically less successful.^2,3
• ‘Addiction’ to achievement: Achievement feels good. There is evidence that ‘workaholics’ and high achievers get a ‘high’ due to the release of the neurotransmitter dopamine,³ which can result in unhealthy behaviours (see below at risks to well-being).
• Risks to well-being: An overly strong focus on achievement can result in poorer mental and physical health and interpersonal relationships. By constantly struggling to fulfill goals we may fully sacrifice our present well-being and drain our energy resources, which may result in chronic stress, a sense of disconnection or burnout.³

Helpful tips on goal pursuit:²

Which goals are worthwhile to strive for is a very individual choice. However, following tips may help to identify aims, which are sustainable and contribute to well-being:

• Intrinsically motivated: Identify goals and activities, which are of genuine interest to you, meaningful and in-line with your values. Particularly goals and activities, which allow us to achieve personal growth, increase our competence and autonomy, or connection with other people are likely to contribute to our well-being.
• Harmonious: When having multiple goals, make sure that they do not contradict each other.
• Reachable and flexible: As mentioned above, there is nothing wrong with an ambitious goal but making sure that your goal is not completely out of reach avoids frustration. It is also important to know your own energy levels, and to be prepared to change your goal/ambition if necessary.
• Make the most out of the process: In addition to choosing an activity you enjoy, it is also helpful to break the goal down in smaller sub-goals and daily aims. This gives you the opportunity to savour the smaller victories on the way.

How can we cope with failure:²

Learning to deal with failure in a constructive way is an essential part of goal pursuit, and one of the key characteristics of resilient people. A separate post on resilience will follow next week, so here only the most essential tips on how to increase our ability to deal with failure:

• Remind yourself that accomplishment is only one part of you life, and that your well-being does not just depend on the achievement of one goal. 
• Be kind to yourself. Give yourself room for self-compassion but avoid self-pity: Allow yourself a limited amount of time to grief for your failed ambition, but then re-focus your effort on a new attempt or look for a different goal in life. For more information about self-compassion, see the link below.
• Be prepared to learn from your mistakes, try to look at the failure as an experience and try to be grateful for the things you were able to achieve so far. History is full of examples of people who only became successful after failures and underachievement, including Albert Einstein, Walt Disney, Steve Jobs, Bill Gates and Oprah Winfrey, as you can read here: http://uk.businessinsider.com/successfulpeople who failed at first. Remember that in the long run we are generally more likely to regret the things that we have NOT done, than regretting failed attempts to reach our ambitions.
• Keep connected to others, and allow them to help you.
• Learn to deal with negative emotions and avoid rumination. For more information see the posts about negative emotions (see below).
• Previous posts which may be helpful when dealing with failure:

o   Taming Your Inner Critic- About Self-Acceptance and Self-Compassion

o   Dealing with the Darker Days- Emergency Measures and Emotional Intelligence

o   Dealing with the Darker Days- Increase Your Control

o   Dealing with the Darker Days- Working out what to do

Conclusion:

Accomplishment can clearly be a huge contributor to a high level of well-being as long as we choose our goals wisely, are prepared to work for them and as long as we learn to deal with failed ambitions in a constructive way. It is also important to remember that we have all different energy levels and a different drive to achieve. So once again you need to decide what is right for you and not fall into the trap of comparing yourself to others.

More on this topic on the web:

There are many great talks on accomplishment, success and failure on the web, but here are two, which illustrate the key points particularly well:

The bestselling author Elizabeth Gilbert talks about her unsuccessful years, the importance of doing the things you love to do, and keep climbing those hills (to speak with Nelson Mandela):

https://www.ted.com/talks/Elizabeth Gilbert: Success, failure and the drive to keep creating

Psychologist Angela Lee Duckworth explains the importance about passion and perseverance when pursuing our goals:

https://www.ted.com/talks/Angela Lee Duckworth: Grit- the power of passion and perseverance

Preview: We have touched on the concept of resilience a few times by now, which is very important for mental well-being. The next two posts are going to explore resilience and what we can learn from people, who are particularly resilient to stress and trauma.

References and further evidence-based reading:

1. Seligman MEP. Flourish: A New Understanding of Happiness and Well-Being- and How to Achieve Them. Nicholas Brealey Publishing; London, UK. 2011.

2. Lyubomirsky S. The Myths of Happiness: What should make you happy but doesn’t, what shouldn’t make you happy but does. Penguin Books; New York. 2013.

3. Seppälä E. The Happiness Track: How to Apply the Science of Happiness to Accelerate Your Success. Piatkus; London, UK. 2016.­­

4. Seligman MEP. Learned Optimism: How to Change Your Mind and Your Life. Vintage Books; New York. 2006.

5. Diener E, Biswas-Diener R. Happiness: Unlocking the Mysteries of Psychological Wealth. Blackwell Publishing; Oxford, UK. 2008.
6. Pink DH. Drive: The Surprising Truth about what Motivates Us. Canongate Books; Edinburgh, UK. 2009.

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