Learning to Resist Temptations: Self-control and Balancing the Short and Long View

 ‘It is easier to resist at the beginning than at the end.’

                                                                                                    Leonardo da Vinci                                                                                            

In last week’s post Beyond New Year Resolutions- Can You Change? we briefly looked at the importance of self-control when trying to implement changes to our life, but as the topic of self-control is quite complex, it is worth to look at it in more detail.

What is self-control and why do we need it^1-4

Throughout our daily lives we are continuously exposed to different situations, which trigger desires, wishes, impulses and emotions in us (in the interest of simplicity just called desires and emotion from now on). Following these desires and emotions is not always a problem, as they ensure that we satisfy our needs (e.g. the need to eat and sleep, the need for safety or connection). However, a lot of the time it is not in our best long-term interest to act upon all of these desires and emotions.

Examples include giving in to the temptation of high caloric food when could really do with losing some weight, following our desire to have a comfy time on the sofa although we know that we have become rather unfit, or reacting to stressful situations with either outbursts of anger, collapse or passive aggression although we know that this does nothing to lower our long-term stress levels.

So we have to weigh up our short-term desire (or the urge to act on a strong emotion) against our long-term goals and interests. This also includes balancing our short-term desires and emotions with other people’s wishes and rights, in order to remain an accepted member of society. And as previously mentioned, we need self-control when establishing new habits and ways of thinking.

What is probably important to say at this point is that self-control is not the same as rigid austerity or compulsive self-restriction. Self-control is more about finding a healthy balance between our short-term and long-term interests and being able to freely choose from a range of available options. This type of self-control could also be described as effective self-regulation or self-management, and represents our free will.

How self-control improves well-being³

Probably unsurprisingly, it has been shown that people who are able to exercise effective self-control tend to be more successful in education and professional life, have better social relationships, tend to be healthier and live longer. But self-control also pays off in the short-term: despite the common myth that people who are high in self-control are unable to enjoy life’s pleasures, it has actually been shown they tend to be happier and more content in their day-to-day life as well. It has been suggested that this is because they have less inner conflicts: they see their behaviour as being in-line with their best interest and do not have as many inner fights about whether to give in or to resist temptations.

Meet your brain’s CEO

As already explained in the last post, self-control is made possible by a special area of the brain, which is particularly well-developed in humans: the prefrontal cortex.^1-3 The prefrontal cortex has also been called the ‘Chief Executive’ of the brain, and it plays an important part in many functions including bodily regulation, empathy and attuned communication with others, emotion regulation, response flexibility, fear modulation and moral reasoning.¹

The reason why the prefrontal cortex is so essential for self-control is that it creates concepts of the present while taking our past experiences into account, and makes plans and predictions about the future (including the long-term consequences of our actions). So it allows us to control our impulses and postpone gratification for the sake of our long-term interests. As far as emotions are concerned, the prefrontal cortex allows us to deal with stress and adversity more effectively due to its fear modulation and emotion regulation.^1-5 The prefrontal cortex also allows us to change perspective and look at situations from different angles.

Why self-control is a limited resource

Although some people have a naturally higher capability of self-control (namely those scoring high on the personality trait of conscientiousness), anybody can learn and improve this skill.^1,3,5,6 Just as the CEO of a business company cannot do an effective job with the support of other people, we can specifically support our prefrontal cortex in order to strengthen its function.

We tend to spend a lot of time in our lives on ‘autopilot’ making intuitive decisions based on our implicit memory (as discussed in Escaping the Prison of the Past, or: How to Make Memories Your Friends), or following our engrained habits and automated behaviours.^2,4,5 The advantage of this type of behaviour and quick/intuitive thinking is that it is does not require a lot of effort and energy, whereas the deliberate consideration and weighing up of pro’s and con’s is energy and time consuming. Therefore, self-control is a limited resource, which should be used wisely and with insight.⁷

As self-control requires energy, the more temptations we have to resist, the more likely we are to give in at some point.⁷ Additionally, it becomes more difficult to keep up our discipline throughout the day: self-control is highest in the morning and then decreases as the day goes on. These are points Leonardo da Vinci seems to have been aware of, too. Also, although the prefrontal cortex can modulate anxiety and other emotions, overwhelming stress and strong emotions can shut down the function of the prefrontal cortex. ^1,2,5,7  

Strategies to strengthen prefrontal cortex function:

• We can simply practice setting longer-term goals and working towards them.³
• Focusing on the rewarding aspects we encounter when behaving in a way that is in-line with our long-term goals can increase our self-control. For example, if you are having trouble motivating yourself to go to the gym, try not to focus on the things you do not like about it (e.g. the effort of getting there and doing your exercises), but instead think about how much progress you have made so far, how much better you feel after exercising and/or look forward to meeting likeminded people. Additionally focus your attention on these rewards during and after the exercise. Over time, this will help to achieve a mental shift so that you will connect exercise (or whatever you are trying to do to fulfill your long-term goal) with more positive associations.⁴
• Mindfulness practices increase self-control in several ways:
• Practicing mindfulness regularly generally strengthens the function of the prefrontal cortex and thereby increasing our capacity for self-control.^1,3,5
• Meditations have a cumulative effect and can greatly help to create a general state of mental calmness.^1,5,7 This calm state allows us to take the larger perspective and to become more creative when dealing with day to day problems.^2,5,7
• Having an increased awareness for the moment-to-moment experiences allows us to pause in a situation and consider all options- rather than staying on autopilot and continue with automated behaviours and habitual reactions. This gives us response flexibility and a greater degree of freedom.⁵
• Additionally, mindfulness helps us to savour our experiences in the moment to a greater degree.^1,4,5 This means that we may develop a greater sensitivity to the small pleasures. For example, we can gain more pleasure from eating a small portion of food mindfully, savouring every moment and consciously enjoying the smell, colours, taste and different textures, than when shoveling down a large dinner while simultaneously checking new messages on our smartphone.  
• Suppressing unwanted thoughts has been shown to make them more likely to arise,⁷ and similarly it has been shown that suppressing emotions usually backfires.⁵ Mindfulness teaches us a different way to handle thoughts and emotions: We can learn to acknowledge that we have certain desires or emotions while helping us to accept them, and deal with them in a more constructive way.^1,5
• Managing our energy levels wisely: As self-control not only depends on sufficient energy levels but simultaneously reduces them further, avoiding physical and mental exhaustion and learning to manage our energy wisely is a very effective way of making the work for the prefrontal cortex easier:

• Avoiding temptation is of course an easy way of avoiding excessively fast energy depletion, but not always possible. Remember that self-control is better in the morning, so it is particularly important to avoid your exposure to temptations later in the day.
• Reducing stress: Overwhelming stress and emotions can significantly reduce the function of the prefrontal cortex.^1,2,5,7 While stressful situations are unavoidable in our life, we can take measures to reduce stress, which will automatically increase our ability to be more effective in self-control.  
• Sleep, eat and exercise well: Good sleep, adequate food and exercise are essential to maintain sufficient energy levels. Excessive self-restriction should be avoided as this may back-fire. As self-control itself leads to a decrease in blood sugar levels,⁷ it is no surprise that dieting is often unsuccessful. When dieting, we take in less energy but simultaneously we have to exercise self-control. Being overly restrictive may therefore lead in a faster exhaustion of our self-control, which is why it is more sensible to implement long-term changes to your nutrition rather than achieving weigh loss through crash diets.
• Other helpful methods to increase our mental energy include:⁷
• Doing something, which makes you feel positive or something you have a passion for but is not in conflict with your long-term interests. Examples include watching a fun video or getting involved in your favourite hobby, instead of obsessing about your desires or emotions (or trying to suppress these thoughts).
• Consider the larger perspective: Focusing on why you are doing something gives you a sense of connection and connects to your values, which can boost your energy and motivation.
• Practice gratitude: There is evidence that feeling grateful helps increasing energy in face of a task, which requires self-control. For more information about gratitude see also Appreciating Your Life- Gratitude.
• As mentioned above, automated behaviour patterns/habits require less energy than deliberate behaviour. So once we have decided that we want to change our habits (which are more in line with our long-term interests), it is helpful to create these new patterns as quickly as possible. For example, this may include doing something always at the same time, or in the same location. Over time, the behaviour then becomes automatically triggered without the need for motivation or intentions.⁸

Conclusions

The most important points that I have taken away from all this, is that it is really important to take energy levels into account when trying to exercise self-control, and that we may use different strategies to get better at it. It may be wise to implement changes slowly, ‘nudging’ yourself towards the long-term behaviour you want to achieve, rather than making sudden drastic changes. However, if you find yourself needing to make quick and substantial changes (e.g. due to a newly diagnosed illness or similar) then it may be helpful to change the most important issue first before addressing the less important things, while making sure that your brain’s CEO does not run out of fuel.

Quote corner

There are just simply so many great quotes on the subject of change and self-control that I have found it almost impossible to choose the quotes for the last two posts. For those of you who also like quotes, I would like to add some additional ones. What is so interesting about them is that clearly the subject of change with its associated challenges and opportunities has captured the minds of great thinkers throughout history. This not only illustrates the central role of self-control for self-improvement, and the fact that self-control represents a choice but also the point that it is not always easy. So here is a small selection of further quotes taking you through the last few thousand years:

• ‘One key to a good life is learning to want the things that are good for your that, honestly, you don’t particularly want.’- Rick Hanson
• ‘I am not what happened to me, I am what I choose to become.’- Carl Gustav Jung
• ‘Who is strong? He that can conquer his bad habits.’- Benjamin Franklin
• ‘Where it is in our power to act, it is also in our power to not act.’- Aristotle
• ‘What we think, we become.’- Buddha

Preview: Whenever we want to change or achieve something we also need a degree of hope and optimism. Both of these attitudes generally contribute to well-being, but there are also situations where they can be more problematic. More on this in the next post, before we will return to the complex topic of work and happiness later this month.

References and further reading:

1. Siegel D. Mindsight: Transform Your Brain with the New Science of Kindness. Oneworld Publications; Oxford, UK. 2011.

2. Graham L. Bouncing Back: Rewiring Your Brain for Maximum Resilience and Well-Being. New World Library; Novato. 2013.

3. Bauer J. Selbststeuerung: Die Wiederentdeckung des freien Willens [Self-control: The re-discovery of our free will]. Karl Blessing Verlag; Munich, Germany. 2015.

4. Hanson R: Hardwiring Happiness: How to reshape your brain and your life. Rider Ebury Publishing, Random House, UK. 2013. 

5. Kabat-Zinn J: Full Catastrophe Living: How To Cope With Stress, Pain and Illness Using Mindfulness Meditation. Piatkus. 2013

6. Nettle D. Personality: What makes you the way you are. Oxford University Press; New York. 2007.

7. Seppälä E. The Happiness Track: How to Apply the Science of Happiness to Accelerate Your Success. Piatkus; London, UK. 2016.

8. Ersche KD, Lim TV, Ward LHE, Robbins TW, Stochl J. Creature of Habit: A self-report measure of habitual routines and automatic tendencies in everyday life. Personality and Individual Differences. 2017;116:73-85.

If you found this information helpful, please consider supporting the campaign under Just Giving. Of course it is also great if you choose to support another charity or do a practical good deed, but it would be nice if you could let me know that you have done this because you felt inspired by this campaign. Please also feel free to share this post and let me know if you have any constructive feedback- good or bad!

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Beyond New Year Resolutions- Can You Change?

‘The secret of change is to focus all of your energy, not on fighting the old, but on building the new.’

                                                                                                                       Dan Millman (author)

Admittedly, the title of this post is a somewhat rhetorical question. This blog is to a large degree about change. But the question is in how far we can deliberately change ourselves, and how we can make sure that our attempts are successful and do not fizzle out like the majority of New Year resolutions. What makes us the person who we are and what determines the limits of any transformation?

How do we become who we are in the first place?

The debate if our genes and inherent nature, or our upbringing and life experiences have a greater influence on our personality (also called ‘nature or nurture’) has a long tradition. Studies with genetically identical twins (either raised together or separated at birth and raised apart) have revealed some surprising results. It has been shown that we owe approximately 50% of our personalities to our genes.² But our DNA does not only influence our character- even our moral and political views, musical talent and religiousness are significantly influenced by genes.¹ The other half of our personality then is largely influenced by upbringing and life experiences.²

Overall, our personalities have been shown to be quite stable over time.^1,2 However, throughout their lives, people tend to become slightly more agreeable, introverted and more emotionally stable, and they tend to show a larger degree of self-control and discipline over time.²

It has also been shown that there is an association between our personality and well-being: Extraverts tend to experience positive emotions more often and more intensively than introverts and people scoring high on the personality trait of ‘neuroticism’ experience negative emotions more frequently and intensely. Another factor can be the personality trait of ‘conscientiousness’, which reflects our inherent degree of self-control and discipline. Some people who score low on the ‘conscientiousness’ scale can be more vulnerable to addictions (e.g. gambling, alcohol, drug addition).^1,2

Why change is possible

In order to make any successful and long-lasting changes, we need to get a realistic understanding about what we can change and how to go about it. One way of looking at our personality is to see our inherent characteristic traits as a ‘baseline’. However, just because we have a specific type of personality does not mean that we always have to behave in a certain way. If you are finding that your personality is causing you some trouble through unhealthy or unhelpful desires, behaviours or habits, you still have choices:

• Finding alternative, less destructive and more helpful outlets for our characteristic:² For example, someone who is very extraverted and low in neuroticism, may enjoy the kick of risky driving maneuvers and going over the speed limit. However, for the sake of safety of fellow-passengers and other motorists, they may choose to largely stick to the Highway Code and instead have an off-track motorsport hobby or engage in some other adventurous sport, which allows them to express their personality in a more legal way.
• Consciously change our behaviour ‘against the spin’: This means that if we having a problem with an aspect of our character (for example our vulnerability to stress) we can develop mindsets and habits which counterbalance our natural tendency.^1-5 So, although our inherent personality is our ‘baseline’, there is nothing stopping us to ‘shift up’ the scale and to become more stress-resilient with time. Similarly, if we know that we have poor self-control and have a problem with overeating or alcohol, we can put measures in place to decrease temptation and work on increasing our self-control.  

The reason why we can change is because of neuroplasticity, an effect that we have already discussed in previous posts.^4,6 Although it was previously thought that our brains effectively do not change once we reach adulthood, it has been more recently discovered that, in fact, the nerve cells in our brains continuously form new connections. This leads to the formation of completely new networks, reinforcement of old ones, or weakening of others, which are not used. Furthermore, we can make the conscious decision to change our thinking patterns, mindsets and behaviours, which has also been called self-directed neuroplasticity.^6,7

Of course, mindsets and habits, which have been deeply engrained over time are not easy to change (as the neural connections have been reinforced over and over again). And some characteristics of our personality may be impossible or at least near impossible to change, including for example sexual identity and sexual orientation.¹ And of course you are unlikely to ‘shift’ yourself from one end of the trait scale to the other, so an extreme introvert is probably unlikely to ever become a party animal.  

The secret of change

So as far as mindsets, habits and (to a degree) personality traits go, self-directed change is possible. But what determines our success in achieving long-term changes? This may depend on several factors, some of which include:

• Have a realistic goal and a realistic plan:⁸ Goals may be ambitious but they should not be unrealistic. It is also important that we have a realistic understanding about the time frame in which we are able to achieve the change. When pursuing any goal, it is helpful to cut it down into smaller sub-goals and daily aims. In this way, the task does not only appear more achievable, but we can also celebrate the little successes on the way. Being realistic about our goals also means that we should not strive to change too many things at one time.
• The right motivation: If something is truly causing us a great deal of grief or discomfort, we are of course more likely to be sincerely motivated to change ourselves. So if we have the genuine intention to changing ourselves we are more likely to succeed.^7,8 However, it has been shown that if we think we should or must change our behaviour or trait we may find it more difficult to initiate the change than when we adopt an attitude that we can and want change.⁷ Furthermore, if we try to change ourselves based on extrinsic motives (such as pleasing other people or gaining their attention, admiration or praise) we are likely to find any task more difficult.^8,9
• Learning self-control and perseverance:
• The importance of self-control: Compared to other mammals, our human brain has a particularly well-developed region called the prefrontal cortex. This region can also be referred to as the ‘Chief Executive’ of the brain, which allows us to assess a given situation, consider all behavioural options available to us, and foresee their potential consequences or results.^4,5,7 This could be considered as choosing our degree of freedom, or our free will. We can choose to control our impulses, change perspectives and consider the long-term consequences of our actions. Self-control allows us to weigh up our desires, wishes and impulses which may arise in a certain situation against the long-term consequences (and our long-term interests).^5,6
• Factors influencing self-control: One of several factors influencing self-control is, as mentioned above, our personality. But even if we are not naturally blessed with a lot of self-discipline, it is a skill which can be increased and strengthened over time.^2,4,5 Mindfulness practices have been shown to increase the function of the prefrontal cortex, thereby increasing self-control.⁴ Of course there are also factors, which can undermine self-control. For example, self-control requires energy so if we are physically and/or mentally exhausted, we generally find it more difficult to stay disciplined.⁹ More on the important topic of self-control will follow in next week’s post.
• Learn how to deal with setbacks: Any change is difficult, and it is helpful not to see things black and white. There may be times when we make no progress. In fact, sometimes it may seem that we have gone backwards. This is completely normal and does not mean that all our efforts are in vain or that we are a failure. Self-acceptance and self-compassion are hugely important during the process of change.^4,7,9 In fact, in Buddhist and Mindfulness teaching it has been suggested that we can only initiate true change, growth and healing, if we are in full acceptance of the present (if we are able to accept our current state), which includes the times of struggles and failure. Somewhat counter-intuitively, it is the non-striving intention, which is more likely to make us successful. As suggested in the quote by Dan Millman, it is more important to look at where we want to go rather than getting pre-occupied with where we currently are.
• Little tricks and tips:^4,5,7
• Start small and be patient. When practicing new habits or ways of thinking, frequent and regular repetitions are more likely to bring lasting and successful change than long but infrequent practices.
• Use visualisation techniques: The visualisation of new habits or behaviours has been shown to be very effective when implementing change, as it activates brain areas, which are also used when actually performing a certain task. For example, if you have decided to exercise more, you can imagine yourself taking up the new activity in great detail. During your visualisation, try to bring up all the positive results this new habit is expected to bring you (e.g. greater physical and mental fitness, weight loss) but also bring to mind the difficulties you may encounter on the way. Similar visualisation techniques may also be used if we want to change our behaviour towards other people, e.g. becoming more assertive.
• Know yourself and reduce temptations: This is of course very much common sense. If we know that we have a problem restraining ourselves when we see or are near certain things, then we should make sure we do not get near them, at least until our new habit has stabilised.
• Gather social support: Talking to other people about what we are planning to do, asking for help, or joining a group or club can help us to persevere with activities more easily. We can also use people who have successfully implemented similar changes in their lives as a role-models.

Once again, the tale of the two wolves

I have already included the tale of the two wolves in one of the posts earlier this year. But because it so beautifully captures the spirit and scope of change, here it is again:

An old Cherokee told his grandson, ‘My son, there is a battle between two wolves inside us all. One is Evil. It is anger, envy, fear, jealousy, sorrow, regret, greed, resentment, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, inferiority, false pride, superiority, lies and ego. The other is Good. It is joy, peace, love, hope, interest, humility, inspiration, serenity, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, compassion and truth.’

The boy thought about it and asked, ‘Grandfather, which wolf wins?’

The old man replied, ‘The one you feed.’

Also, some of you may have missed the Quick Update post with the link to a great podcast dedicated to the tale of the two wolves: http://www.oneyoufeed.net. This podcast is all about change and how to implement change in order to live a good life. There are many personal stories but also interviews with scientists and psychologists, spiritual teachers and authors looking at this issue from many different angles.

A truly amazing person- What can we learn from…:¹⁰

John McAvoy grew up in a family where several members were involved in organized crime. He took up a similar path with big ambitions, and was convicted for armed robbery before he reached the age of 18. After his release he continued along the same lines until he was arrested again and sent to Belmarsh High Security Prison.

During his time in prison, his best friend, also a criminal, died during an armed robbery. This turned out to be a turning point in John McAvoy’s life. He realized that he had wasted 10 years of his life in prison and that something had to change.

Already prior to this change of mind, John McAvoy had been taking up sport in prison, including indoor rowing. He soon discovered, that he could use sport as an alternative outlet to channel his energies. After being finally released, he managed to break with his previous career and focused all his efforts on becoming a professional Iron Man triathlete. He is now aiming to become the best long-distance triathlete in Europe, as his previous convictions have resulted in travel restrictions limiting his participation in races overseas.

John McAvoy has written a book about his transformation through sport called Redemption: From Iron Bars to Iron Man; his story is a powerful reminder that everybody has the capacity to make profound changes to their lives. You can find out more about John McAvoy at http://www.220triathlon.com/training/athlete-profiles/how-triathlon-helped-former-criminal-john-mcavoy-turn-from-crime/11781.html and http://www.telegraph.co.uk/triathlon/2016/10/18/meet-john-mcavoy-the-former-criminal-who-is-aiming--to-become-th/.

Preview: As mentioned above, next week’s post is going look in more detail at self-control and how to increase it.

References and further reading:

1. Seligman MEP. What you Can Change and What you Can’t: The Complete Guide to Successful Self-Improvement. Nicholas Brealey Publishing; London, UK. 2010.

2. Nettle D. Personality: What makes you the way you are. Oxford University Press; New York. 2007.

3. Pittman CM, Karle EM. Rewire Your Anxious Brain: How to use the neuroscience of fear to end anxiety, panic & worry. New Harbinger Publications; Oakland. 2015.

4. Kabat-Zinn J: Full Catastrophe Living: How To Cope With Stress, Pain and Illness Using Mindfulness Meditation. Piatkus. 2013

5. Bauer J. Selbststeuerung: Die Wiederentdeckung des freien Willens [Self-control: The re-discovery of our free will]. Karl Blessing Verlag; Munich, Germany. 2015.

6. Hanson R: Hardwiring Happiness: How to reshape your brain and your life. Rider Ebury Publishing, Random House, UK. 2013. 

7. Graham L. Bouncing Back: Rewiring Your Brain for Maximum Resilience and Well-Being. New World Library; Novato. 2013.

8. Lyubomirsky S. The Myths of Happiness: What should make you happy but doesn’t, what shouldn’t make you happy but does. Penguin Books; New York. 2013.

9. Seppälä E. The Happiness Track: How to Apply the Science of Happiness to Accelerate Your Success. Piatkus; London, UK. 2016.

10. http://www.220triathlon.com/training/athlete-profiles/how-triathlon-helped-former-criminal-john-mcavoy-turn-from-crime/11781.html, http://www.telegraph.co.uk/triathlon/2016/10/18/meet-john-mcavoy-the-former-criminal-who-is-aiming--to-become-th/, http://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/b0832rj2

If you found this information helpful, please consider supporting the campaign under Just Giving. Of course it is also great if you choose to support another charity or do a practical good deed, but it would be nice if you could let me know that you have done this because you felt inspired by this campaign. Please also feel free to share this post and let me know if you have any constructive feedback- good or bad!

View and Save as PDF

Follow the Blog- http://followthegoodlifecampaign.blogspot.co.uk

Donations- https://www.justgiving.com/teams/thegoodlifecampaign

Donations are in aid of the International Rescue Committee and the World Veterinary Service