‘If
everything was perfect, you would never learn and you would never grow.’
Beyonce Knowles (musician)
The
nice thing about writing this blog is that I learn so much. I am a bit of a
perfectionist just as - no doubt - many of you are. In many ways, trying to
live a Good Life has to do with learning to live with errors, mistakes and
imperfections, but I just had no idea how complex the subject of perfectionism
was before researching for this post!
Perfectionism
is a personality trait, which is particularly common in the veterinary
profession and many other occupations with a high proportion of high achievers,
including sport professionals. However, being a perfectionist also has its
price. So today’s post dedicated to this interesting trait, discussing its
impact on well-being and strategies on how to overcome excessive perfectionism.
Even if you are lucky enough not to be a perfectionist yourself, you may find
this post interesting as it can explain why your work colleague, friend or
family member is sometimes behaving the way they are!
Not all perfectionists are the same
Perfectionism
is usually defined as the striving to be or appear perfect and without fault,
although the definition can vary somewhat across the literature.1-6
For example, perfectionists have been described as ‘those whose standards are
high beyond reach or reason, people who strain compulsively and unremittingly
towards impossible goals and who measure their own worth entirely in terms of
productivity and accomplishment’, or ‘setting of excessively high standards for
performance accompanied by overly critical self-evaluation’.1 So as
perfectionists, we are generally more likely to base our self-worth on
achievement and striving, and we are more likely to be self-critical.
However,
not all perfectionists are the same and there are some important subgroups:
- Directions of perfectionism: For example, we can have high expectations of ourselves (self-orientated perfectionism), or have high expectations of other people (other-orientated perfectionism).1
- Motivation for perfectionism:2,3
- Personal Standard Perfectionists (PSP) set high standards when evaluating their own performance. This means that they strive for perfection because of a strong inner motivation.
- Evaluative Concerns Perfectionists (ECP) are striving for high achievements because they are excessively concerned about making errors and mistakes, particularly out of fear of negative evaluation or reaction by others, or feelings of discrepancy between the own (high) expectation and perceived performance. Errors result in strong negative thoughts and feelings of blame, shame or guilt.
- These traits can either occur in a mixed form (PSP and ECP combined), or as ‘pure’ PSP or ESP perfectionism.
The
interesting point is that the various groups of perfectionism have different
pros and cons. As mentioned above, perfectionism is not all bad: particularly
Personal Standard Perfectionists can excel in their chosen activities, whether
it is at work, or when pursuing hobbies or sport activities (adaptive
perfectionism).1-3,5 This type of perfectionism also appears to be (at
least to some degree) protective from burnout and exhaustion, as the striving
for perfection due to internal motives leads to positive emotional experiences,
active coping strategies and increased performance.3 On the other
hand, Evaluative Concern Perfectionists are significantly more likely to
experience anxiety and a variety of different mental disorders, including depression,
burnout and eating disorders.1-6
Another
important difference between the different types is that people with Evaluative Concerns Perfectionism find it
more difficult to constructively learn from their mistakes.2 If
we are concerned about our evaluation by others, we are more likely to spend a
great deal of our time assessing potential threats, more likely to experience
anxiety, and to use avoidant coping styles (withdrawing or escaping from
perceived threats, rather than actively seeking a solution). We are also more
likely to have a rigid self-evaluation, excessive black-and-white thinking, and
ruminate about past failures.1,3 This means that Evaluative Concerns
Perfectionists experience a lot of stress when receiving external expectations
and criticism, and feel that their self-worth is under constant threat.2
Perfectionism, conscientiousness and obsessive compulsive personality
disorder4
Perfectionism
does not only come in different categories, but also it is also a scale from
mild to severe. There is also some overlap with other personality traits. It
has even been suggested that perfectionism can in fact be seen as an extreme
version of the personality trait of Conscientiousness.
People
who score high on Conscientiousness are highly disciplined, organized and
self-controlled; they are able to set internal goals and plans, and stick to
them without procrastination. On the other hand, people scoring lower on Conscientiousness
are more spontaneous, impulsive and may have a weakness of will.
Of
all personality traits, Conscientiousness is the most reliable predictor of
professional success, particularly in jobs with a relatively high level of
autonomy. On the other side of the medal, conscientiousness can lead to
overproductivity, excessive goal chasing and people may turn into very driven
workaholics, neglecting social contacts and the need for relaxed downtime. Also,
conscientious people do not do well in an unpredictable environment, as they
are restricted in spontaneity and flexibility. They find a change of routine
very upsetting and difficult to adjust to. On the other hand, low Conscientiousness
scorers often cope very well in a chaotic environment.
Perfectionism
and Conscientiousness can also be associated with Obsessive-Compulsive
Personality Disorder (OCPD), which can be defined as a ‘pervasive pattern of
preoccupation with orderliness, perfectionism, and mental and interpersonal
control, at the expense of flexibility, openness and efficiency’. OCPD is not
to be confused with Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD), which is an anxiety
disorder associated with frequent intrusive and obsessive thoughts combined
with repetitive compulsive behaviour, impulses or urges, whereas people with
OCPD are pre-occupied with schedules, lists and tasks and show a very
inflexible approach to rules with excessive black-and-white thinking. In the
extreme form, OCPD may prevent a person from getting things done, as they are
not able to complete any projects due to their extreme striving for perfection.
However,
although there are these important associations and overlapping
characteristics, perfectionism has been generally regarded as a unique multifaceted
personality trait in its own right.3
Three reasons why extreme perfectionism does not make you perfect
So particularly
perfectionists who are highly concerned with the evaluation by others can have
an unpleasant time when trying to perform well. But ironically, the desire to
be flawless can also interfere with our performance:
- Taking longer to perform tasks or not completing tasks: Perfectionists can take longer to do and re-do tasks, or spending more time on it than necessary due to the high standards or the fear of making mistakes, which can result in avoidance, procrastination, repeated checking and excessive thoroughness.5 Performance anxiety is a particular feature, and may lead to incompletion of tasks at work or academic projects and exams.1
- A higher likelihood to make mistakes: As previously mentioned in other posts, strong negative emotions activate the body’s stress response (fight-or-flight reaction), including the release of stress hormones. This stress response (which is easily evoked by harsh self-criticism and the fear of making mistakes) in turn reduces cognitive function, and may decrease our ability to think straight and lead to poor decision-making. Particularly in a complex and high-pressure working environment with high demands, this can additionally reduce our performance and paradoxically increase the likelihood to make mistakes.6
- Reduced ability to learn from previous mistakes: The key to improved performance is to learn from errors and sub-optimal outcomes. In order to draw constructive conclusions for better future behaviour, we need to be able to look openly at these events.2,6 However, this may not be possible if we are overly concerned with the evaluation by others, and we may instead be tempted to go into denial and/or blame others for our failures.
How to become a happy imperfect perfectionist?5
So, perfectionism is a
mixed bag- it can actually be a very helpful characteristic in many ways but
the extreme forms, particularly if combined with an excessive concern about the
evaluation by others and harsh self-criticism, can be more inhibitive than
helpful.
The
good news is that there is a lot of evidence to suggest that we can reduce our
striving for perfection.1,5-7 The secret here is of course to reduce
the maladaptive and unhelpful aspects, while preserving or potentially even
further increasing our ability to perform well at the times when it really
matters. I am not going to pretend that this is easy, but it is certainly possible! Reducing unhelpful perfectionism means particularly addressing the way we handle mistakes and failures, and becoming aware of whether we try to do something well because we genuinely care about the outcome, or because we are predominantly concerned about how our performance is evaluated by others.
In
severe cases it is certainly advisable to seek professional help as cognitive
behavioural therapy has been found to be effective in the treatment of perfectionism
and its potential wide range of associated issues,1-5 but there are
also many basic self-directed steps we can take:1,6-8
- Be realistic and adopt a growth mindset: Have you ever really believed that your perfectionism is making you perfect? Of course not. As much as we would love it, perfection just does not exist. Absolutely everybody has some flaws and makes mistakes, and that includes ourselves: to err is human. So instead of trying in vain to become some sort of super-human, it is more helpful to try and adopt a growth mindset: When we believe that we can develop our strengths and see mistakes and errors as an opportunity for growth, we are less likely to lose too much confidence when experiencing failures, as we see our abilities and skills less tightly connected to ourself as a person. As Beyonce Knowles noticed, only imperfection allows for learning and growth.
- What can be really helpful is to learn from other people, who use constructive ways of dealing with mistakes and who are able to say: ‘Yes, I got this wrong but let’s see how I can avoid this happening again.’ I am sure that all of us know a colleague, a friend or family member like this!
- It is particularly important to change unhelpful attitudes and beliefs, and learn to deal with negative emotions associated with perfectionism. This includes reducing or softening negative self-talk by replacing ‘must’, ‘should’ with ‘I would like to’. This converts overly strict rules without options into a goal or desire, which is kinder and less absolute.
- Deal with your inner critic: As we perfectionists can be very unforgiving self-critics, this one of the most important issue to address. Following from above point, try and learn to treat yourself with some kindness. Self-compassion is a very important skill in this context, which allows us to assess our strength and weaknesses more objectively, and helps us dealing with mistakes and errors that we make more constructively. Find out more about self-criticism and self-compassion in the post Taming Your Inner Critic: About Self-Acceptance and Self-Compassion.
- Try to differentiate: Not all situations are the same and perfectionism is not necessarily required in all contexts. Try and make a habit of assessing situations and only apply high standards in circumstances where it really matters, i.e. when the outcome is truly important. You may find that in many circumstances good is good enough, which will save you time and energy.
- Practice mindfulness: An important aspect of mindfulness is to cultivate the willingness to be with things as they are - which can be understood as the ‘antithesis’ of the striving for perfection out of the sense that we are currently not good enough. Amongst other things, mindfulness allows us to experience moments of non-striving and we learn to cultivate acceptance.
Reshma Saujani
is somebody who learnt about failure the hard way: she ran for the US congress
and spectacularly lost the election. Although she admits that it was a very
humiliating experience, it did not take her too long to re-orientate herself
and take on another project: During the election campaign, she had visited
local schools and noticed a significant gender gap in computing classes. In
2012 she founded the non-profit organization Girls Who Code in order to teach young
women computer skills. In her inspiring Ted Lecture Teach
Girls Bravery Not Perfection, she discusses why perfectionism can be a particular problem in women.
What we can learn from
Reshma Saujani is that it is not only possible to turn a big failure into
something of value, but that it may be also time to discuss the issue of
perfectionism and the fear of making mistakes on a wider level within society
and different professions.
Preview: As striving for
personal growth is a more helpful mindset than striving for perfection, we will
discuss different ways in which we can expand our personal horizon next week.
References and further reading:
1. Shafran R, Coughtrey A,
Kothari R. New frontiers in the treatment of perfectionism. New Frontiers in
Cognitive Behavioral Therapies. 2016;9(2):99-106.
2. Barke A, Bode S,
Dechent P, Schmidt-Samoa C, Van Heer C, Stahl J. To err is (perfectly) human:
behavioural and neural correlates of error processing and perfectionism. Social
Cognitive and Affective Neuroscience. 2017;12(10):1647-1657.
3. Hill AP, Curran T.
Multidimensional perfectionism and burnout: A meta-analysis. Personality and
Sorcial Psychology Review. 2015;20(3):269-288.
4. Nettle D. Personality:
What makes you the way you are. Oxford University Press; New York. 2007.
5. Kothari R, Egan S,
Shafran R. Overcoming perfectionism: Protocol of a randomized controlled trial
of an internet-based guided self-help cognitive behavioral therapy
intervention. JMIR Research Protocols. 2016;5(4):e215.
6.
Seppälä E. The Happiness Track: How to Apply the Science of Happiness to
Accelerate Your Success. Piatkus; London, UK. 2016.
7. Pittman CM, Karle EM:
Rewire Your Anxious Brain: How to use the neuroscience of fear to end anxiety,
panic & worry. New Harbinger Publications: Oakland. 2015.
8. Kabat-Zinn
J: Full Catastrophe Living: How To Cope With Stress, Pain and Illness Using
Mindfulness Meditation. Piatkus. 2013.
9. https://www.ted.com/talks/reshma_saujani_teach_girls_bravery_not_perfection, https://girlswhocode.com/our-team/, https://www.newyorker.com/tech/elements/the-ceo-of-girls-who-code-wants-you-to-know-that-its-ok-to-fail
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