Appreciating Your Life: Gratitude

When I started counting my blessings, my whole life turned around.

                                                                                                       Willie Nelson (Musician)

A little story from work…

A few years ago I worked with a lovely colleague, who always appeared remarkably calm, composed and content despite long working hours and a stressful job as a resident. Already on my quest to unravel the secrets of a Good Life, one day I asked her about her personal secret- and it was surprisingly simple. She replied: ‘Well, I always think that things could be so much worse…I could have been born in Syria.’ This conversation was, of course, in the middle of the Syrian war, which has resulted in so many civilian casualties and forced many others to flee their country. In other words, the secret of my colleague was nothing other than gratitude that she was able to live an autonomous, self-determined life in a safe country, unaffected by violent conflict. Discussing this approach with another colleague shortly afterwards, it turned out that she used a similar attitude when times got rough- in her case it was being grateful not to be affected by Ebola.

I remember being initially a bit startled about the coping methods of my colleagues, but I soon discovered that they were actually very wise, as they were tapping into one of the most effective sources of positive emotions and well-being.^1-5

Why gratitude helps

Gratitude means that we recognize all the positive aspects of our lives, and that we are genuinely thankful for what we have. It is so effective because we can evoke it at our will in almost any situation and because it counteracts the effects of hedonic adaptation (the fact that we quickly get used to the little and larger comforts, people and objects in our lives), effects of social comparison (our tendency to compare our life with that of people which appear to be better off than we are), and the negativity bias (the tendency of most people to notice negative events more prominently than positive ones).² Gratitude, together with awe and inspiration, is a self-transcendent positive emotion, which feels so good because it is not just self-serving but it makes us feel part of something bigger.¹ It is probably no coincidence that most if not all religions incorporate some form of gratitude practice in their traditions and prayers. Being grateful about our life situation or grateful to people we encounter allows us to:^1-5

• Maximise our satisfaction or appreciation of a situation
• Uncover otherwise overlooked positive events and supportive people in our lives
• Put things into perspective and find positive aspects in otherwise negative situations
• Feel generally more connected to others
• Strengthen our relationship with family, friends and colleagues (as expressing gratitude induces positive emotions and allows us to act with greater integrity and kindness; in turn this makes people more likely to reciprocate with positive behaviour)
• Prevent us from getting too spoiled and reduce materialism (materialism has been shown to lead to lower levels of well-being)
• Reduce toxic feelings of envy and bitterness, which often results from social comparison
• Increase our self-compassion, which itself has several positive effects (see also the post: ‘Taming Your Inner Critic’).

As a result, gratitude has immense positive effects on our private and professional lives, as it leads to better mental well-being, physical health, better sleep, and also greater performance.³ Additionally, it increases our resilience to stress and life adversities,^1-4 just as my wise colleagues have found.

Ways to be grateful

• The simplest way of practicing gratitude is of course to spontaneously ‘count our blessings’:^1-5
• Taking a moment to notice your privileges in life and all the things, which have gone well in the last day/week/month/year.
• Take the time to express your thanks to people for being helpful, supportive or just being there.
• Additionally, you can look for the positive aspects of otherwise difficult situations. For example, I was recently involved in a collision with a deer. This was of course not a pleasant experience but given that there were several cars travelling at high speed at the time, it could have resulted in a major multi-vehicle accident. Being grateful for what did not happen is hugely helpful to keep the spirits up, as quite often things could be an awful lot worse. This principle also works for other situations, for example, if you do not manage to achieve a personal or a career goal you can still appreciate the experience you gained and look for other opportunities, which might open up as a result. As a last example, some people find it difficult when their reach their 30^th, 40^th, 50^th etc birthday- rather than regretting that you are getting older (which cannot be changed anyway!), why not be grateful that you are alive: many children do not even have the privilege to reach adulthood. So finding the ‘silver lining’ can be a powerful support to stay optimistic.
• You can also practice more formal gratitude exercises. Examples include writing a letter of appreciation to people, who have been kind and supportive to you, or writing down the things you are grateful for once a week (e.g. using a gratitude journal).^1-3 Or establishing ‘gratitude rituals’ within your daily routine,¹ for example at every meal time; this does not need to be a prayer- it can be just a short mental pause in which you feel thankful for having food.    

What if it is difficult to feel grateful?

Gratitude only really works if we sincerely feel it. Just knowing that we ought to be grateful does not make us genuinely feel grateful. It does also not tend to work if someone else prescribes us gratitude- if you are in a reactive, negative frame of mind, the well-meaning suggestion by somebody else to be grateful for your life, pointing out that you have it so much easier than other people may make you feel even worse. However, as gratitude has been proven to be so effective it is worth to persevere! Here are a few tips, which may make it a bit easier to feel sincere gratitude:

• Practicing mindfulness helps us to focus our attention in the present moment and makes us more likely to detect positive events when they happen; we can also consciously cultivate gratitude with specific gratitude practices and meditations.^6,7
• It may be sometimes more effective to pursue a ‘subtraction’ strategy: If you are finding it difficult to be sincerely grateful for the things you do have in your life (such as health, your partner, your job, food, clean drinking water, access to health care and living in peace etc.) try to imagine how your life would be without these things.¹
• Very regular gratitude exercises may themselves lead to hedonic adaptation.⁸ In other words, we can get used to the gratitude exercises, which lessens their effects. Rather than ‘counting your blessings’ daily, you may be better off to do this once a week or intermittently.
• Another helpful tactic may be to shift the reference point. High expectations can undermine the ability to feel gratitude- we all know how disappointing it can be if our expectations are not met. Lowering unnecessarily high or unrealistic expectations can therefore be greatly helpful.¹ Of course there is a balance to be met: We sometimes need to ‘aim high’ if we want to achieve ambitious goals and I am not advocating that gratitude is the solution at all times and in all situations. However, holding on to impossibly high expectations, and believing that we are somehow entitled to or deserve certain things in life is just not realistic.
• Giving up one or more things, which we normally take for granted is hugely effective to make us feel more thankful when we can finally enjoy the comfort again.⁹
• Be inventive and try what works best for you. If you are finding it difficult to relate to disaster scenarios in other countries, highly deadly infectious diseases or the fate of people you do not know, you could try and remember your own times of struggle as a ‘negative reference point’, or probably you can look for stories about difficult times from your own family history (e.g. during the second world war, or in difficult economical situations).

Conclusion:

Of course gratitude is only one component of a good life, but it can have very immediate and powerful effects, as Willie Nelson noticed when his life turned around after becoming grateful. Gratitude does not mean that we cannot have aspirations and goals in our lives, as these are also very important for a balanced well-being. But if we stay humble and do not take things for granted, we gain the strength and flexibility we need for dealing with the realities of life. 

Books on gratitude:

If you would like to read up more evidence-based information and more detailed guidance about how to cultivate gratitude in your life, then Gratitude Works! by Robert Emmons is probably the best choice. Robert Emmons is one of the world’s leading researchers on gratitude and has studied the subject extensively, so you will get the most comprehensive review of the subject straight from the source!

If you are interested in a more personal and philosophical angle, you may want to consider Gratitude by Oliver Sacks. Oliver Sacks was a renowned neurologist and author of several books including The Man Who Mistook His Wife for a Hat. In the last months of his life, diagnosed with terminal cancer, Oliver Sacks contemplated on his life and illness in four short essays. I particularly like one of the central statements: ‘I cannot pretend I am without fear. But my predominant feeling is one of gratitude. I have loved and been loved. I have been given much and I have given something in return. (…) Above all, I have been a sentient being, a thinking animal, on this beautiful planet, and that in itself has been an enormous privilege and adventure.’

Further information on gratitude on the web:

Find out more about gratitude directly from Robert Emmons, also author of the book Gratitude Works!: http://greatergood.berkeley.edu/topic/gratitude/definition#how_to_cultivate

Some more detailed gratitude exercises can also be found on the Greater Good In Action Website:

https://ggia.berkeley.edu/#filters=gratitude

Preview: As you already know, hedonic adaptation can be one of the most common obstacles when trying to increase our well-being, and this particularly affects the relationship between money and well-being. Next week, we are going to have a critical look at the question, if and how money can buy us happiness.

References and further evidence-based reading:

1. Fredrickson B. Positivity: Groundbreaking Research to Release Your Inner Optimist and Thrive. Oneworld Publications; Oxford, England. 2010.

2. Lyubomirsky S. The Myths of Happiness: What should make you happy but doesn’t, what shouldn’t make you happy but does. Penguin Books; New York. 2013.

3. Seligman MEP. Flourish: A New Understanding of Happiness and Well-Being- and How to Achieve Them. Nicholas Brealey Publishing; London, UK. 2011.

4. Diener E, Biswas-Diener R. Happiness: Unlocking the Mysteries of Psychological Wealth. Blackwell Publishing; Oxford, UK. 2008.

5. Seppälä E. The Happiness Track: How to Apply the Science of Happiness to Accelerate Your Success. Piatkus; London, UK. 2016.­­

6. Williams M, Penman D. Mindfulness: A Practical Guide To Finding Peace In A Frantic World. Hachette Digital Little, Brown Book Group; London, UK. 2011.

7. Hanson R: Hardwiring Happiness: How to reshape your brain and your life. Rider Ebury Publishing, Random House, UK. 2013. 

8. Lyubomirsky S, Sheldon KM, Schkade D. Pursuing Happiness: The Architecture of Sustainable Change. Review of General Psychology. 2005;9(2):111-131.

9. Quoidbach J, Dunn EW. Give it up: A strategy for combating hedonic adaptation. Social Psychological and Personality Science. 2013;5:511-516.

If you found this information helpful, please consider supporting the campaign under Just Giving. Of course it is also great if you choose to support another charity or do a practical good deed, but it would be nice if you could let me know that you have done this because you felt inspired by this campaign. Please also feel free to share this post and let me know if you have any constructive feedback- good or bad!

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About Marathons and Meaning...and a Quote for the Week

Although I have never been a particularly keen runner myself, I have always found marathons fascinating. Not only the pure athletic side of things but even more so the mental aspects: What motivates the runners in the first place and how they keep going in training as well as on the day of the event. I think that the answer is in meaning- particularly for the many amateur runners. Reading through some of the amazing stories of the runners of last Sunday's London marathon, they usually have another reason to start other than just pursuing a personal athletic achievement: they run because they want to connect to their past, or to people they are/were close to, or because they want to make the world a little bit better by raising money for their chosen charity (which is usually also has a special meaning for them because of their own life story or that of a friend or relative). 

There were quite a few remarkable runners in last Sunday's marathon- in case that you have missed some of the inspiring stories, you can have a look here: 

A team of two runners, who met years previously at a suicide attempt

  

Stories of six inspirational runners

 

The runner who sacrificed his own time to help another runner over the finishing line

As the quotes are still accumulating I would like to share another one with you before the next post is coming out on Friday:

'He who has a why to live can bear almost any how.'

                                                                                                  Friedrich Nietzsche

As explained in last week's post, this quote is definitely valid for life, as finding meaning makes us more resilient. It surely therefore also applies to marathons: who has a good reason to run, can also bear the painful race. 

I hope that you all have a good week until Friday, when we are going to have a look at gratitude and how it can increase our happiness. 

Petra

What Do You Live For?- About Finding Meaning

“I have always believed, and still believe, that whatever good or bad fortune may come your way we can always give it meaning and transform it into something of value.”

                                                                                                                                 Herman Hesse (Writer)

This week’s post is about one of the most central and essential aspects of well-being: having a sense of meaning and purpose in life, something which is worth living for.

The importance of meaning

It has been shown that experiencing meaning in life is one of the key factors of mental well-being; it gives us a worthwhile cause which motivates us, gives us direction and provides our lives with some depth- in other words it contributes to eudaimonic well-being.^1-9 Meaning can also provide hope,^4,6 and there is strong evidence, that having a high level of meaning makes people resilient to adversity.^3,4,6 Without meaning, our lives may feel shallow and empty; in fact absence of meaning can lead to significant psychological distress.¹ 

Different definitions and levels of meaning

Meaning in life is a complex concept and can have different connotations:

• Having a worthwhile purpose or goal in our life.^1-2
• Belonging to and serving something bigger than ourself:³  The bigger entity may be other people (e.g. our family or other specific people that we know directly, or a wider community/group of people), religion, nature, an institution (e.g. a charity or club), or a value system/topic (e.g. political orientation, a specific occupation, animal welfare etc).^2-4,7 In this respect, meaning gives us not only a sense of belonging but it also allows us to experience transcendence (the perception that we rise beyond our ordinary limitations, evoking positive feelings of awe).
• Meaning can also be understood as making sense of our life story: Forming a coherent narrative by understanding why which things have happened to us and why we do the things we do.^1,4,5 Meaning in this sense can also include our interpretation of a current specific situation or the sense we make out of that situation.

From this follows, that meaning is not only associated with our present situation, but also with our past and our anticipated future. It is also tightly associated with our values: what appears worthwhile to us depends on what we regard as important in our lives.^1,6 Importantly, experiencing meaning in life is not the same as searching for meaning: while presence of meaning in our lives significantly increases our well-being, there is evidence that a prolonged active pursuit of meaning has the opposite effect and is associated with poorer mental well-being.⁷ This is similar to the effect that people who are highly focused on achieving their individual happiness are often paradoxically less happy.¹⁰

How to find meaning

Meaning and purpose can be found in various ways. While experiencing meaning is thought to be an essential psychological need for humans, the specific thing which gives our life meaning is very different for each and everyone of us- we all have to identify the purpose/meaning in our life ourselves.^2-4,6 As a general rule, meaning can be found when engaging in activities, which serve others rather than serving yourself.

While trying to identify meaning, it is important to avoid over-analysis and rumination, which are associated with negative emotions.^2,3 You can remind yourself about how to avoid rumination in the post ‘Dealing with the Darker Days: Increase Your Control and Decrease Negativity.’ Also, when pursuing meaningful activities and long-term goals, it is important to realize that this may mean sacrificing short-term pleasant experiences: meaningful activities do not always feel great at the time, but make you feel content and satisfied in the long run.^3,8

Following suggestions may help to identify meaning:^2,4,8,9

• Find a measure by which you would like your life to be judged and try to live according to it every day. Identify your personal preferences, values and preferred activities. It may help to do this in writing or with a friend, to make the process more systematical and avoid rumination. Remember that your signature strengths tend to resonate with your values. A Signature Strengths test may help to identify your core strengths: https://www.authentichappiness.sas.upenn.edu or https://www.viacharacter.org (registration required for both).
• Following on from above, try to find a specific meaningful life goal or worthwhile purpose, which is in-line with your values, but also reachable and flexible. This is very important, because life circumstances tend to change (for better or worse) and it is essential to be able to adjust your goals accordingly, rather than clinging onto goals, which have become unrealistic or meaningless.
• Additionally, it is possible to find a positive meaning within our practical daily routines and activities. For example, even if you do not find your work enjoyable as such, you may regard it as meaningful as it enables you to support your family. Similarly, you can find meaning in doing a household chore for your partner, or making a random act of kindness to a neighbour. 
• Help other people (or animals!) who have difficulties or who are suffering. These may be people in a similar life situation as you are or in different circumstances.
• Connect yourself to and work for something bigger than you are. As noted above, this bigger entity may be other people (e.g. family, friends or a community). Improve the relationships to people you really care about; being close to others and sharing experiences with them increases our sense of meaning. Meaning can also be found by joining and working for institutions (e.g. a club), a value system or specific topic (e.g. animal welfare, professional work, hobby). Depending on your preferences, you may also connect to religion/a spiritual practice or nature.

A truly amazing person- What can we learn from…:

Victor Frankl (1905-1997) was an Austrian psychiatrist and neurologist. His main professional interest was centered on exploring the role of meaning and personal values as a factor of mental well-being, and he is known as the founder of Logotherapy, a meaning-centered form of psychotherapy where the patient is re-orientated towards the meaning in his/her life.

After his graduation from the Vienna Medical School in 1930, Victor Frankl enjoyed a successful early career as a psychiatrist, working at the Psychiatric Hospital in Vienna and his own private practice. However, in the years following the invasion of Austria by German troops and the Austrian Anschluss to Germany in 1938, his circumstances changed dramatically due to his Jewish identity. Although he obtained an immigration visa to the USA he let it lapse, as he chose not to abandon his elderly parents. In 1942, Victor Frankl and his family were deported to the concentration camp Theresienstadt. Consecutively he was sent to Auschwitz and sub-camps of Dachau. Despite being forced to live through the most difficult circumstances, enduring starvation, forced labour and typhoid fever, Victor Frankl survived and was liberated in April 1945. However, he had lost almost his entire family, except for his sister who had immigrated to Australia; his wife, parents and brother were all murdered in concentration camps.

During his years of imprisonment, Victor Frankl made several important psychological observations, which re-inforced his previously formed theory on the significance of meaning. One observation was that while the prisoners had to live in the most horrific circumstances over which they had no control, they had control over how they thought and responded to these circumstances. Some prisoners managed to escape from the terrible external conditions by taking rescue in their thoughts, preserving their intellectual and spiritual freedom, and staying true to their values. Victor Frankl observed that these prisoners often adjusted better to the camp life, even if they were physically less robust. He concluded that these prisoners experienced their life as meaningful through this inner freedom, which also enabled them to make free moral choices despite the immense suffering they endured. Victor Frankl also observed that prisoners who experienced their life as meaningful, who still had future goals or aspirations (such as surviving in order to be re-united with family or to continue their professional work) were more likely to survive, because they were able to preserve some faith and hope for the future. Conversely, the prisoners who felt their life was insignificant and meaningless were likely to lose hope, and these prisoners tended to die sooner. As for Victor Frankl himself, he identified love to his wife and the ambition to publish his discoveries about resilience and to continue his work to advance Logotherapy as his main sources of meaning during his incarceration.

The observations that Victor Frankl made during imprisonment together with his underlying theory that life is primarily a quest for meaning formed the basis of his highly influential and world-renowned book Man’s Search for Meaning (see below), which he wrote shortly after his liberation. Victor Frankl was able to re-build his private and professional life. After his return to Vienna, he married again and continued his successful career, publishing many books and scientific studies, and becoming professor of Neurology and Psychiatry as well as being guest professor at several overseas universities.

We can learn many things from the remarkable life and work of Victor Frankl, but one of the core points is that it is not only possible to discover meaning under the most desperate conditions, but that striving for meaning also gives us strength. In line with Herman Hesse’s quote, Victor Frankl inspires us not to despair when life gets difficult but to continue looking for solutions. Or, to say it with the words of Victor Frankl: ‘We had to learn (…) that it did not really matter what we expected from life, but rather what life expected from us….Life ultimately means taking responsibility to find the right answer to its problems and to fulfill the tasks which it constantly sets for each individual. These tasks, and therefore the meaning in life, differ from man to man and from moment to moment. ’

Read more about this topic:

Man’s Search for Meaning by Victor Frankl has lost nothing of its significance since its first publication in 1946, and it continues to serve as a central reference for scientific publications on the topic of meaning. It is divided into two broad sections: A description of Victor Frankl’s experiences and observations during his imprisonment, and a short introduction into Logotherapy. Although it is of course not always a comfortable book to read due to the nature of its topic, it is nevertheless profoundly inspiring and encourages the reader to take a different look at life. Its original German title is revealing: Trotzdem ja zum Leben sagen meaning ‘Saying yes to life in spite of everything’. A truly remarkable book and thoroughly recommended!

The excellent Greater Good website has some practical tips about how to find meaning in work: http://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/eight_ways_to_find_more_meaning_work

Preview: Next week, we explore one of the quickest way to improve our well-being: gratitude

References and further evidence-based reading:

1. Steger MF, Frazier P, Oishi S, Kaler M. The meaning in life questionnairs: Assessing the presence of and search for meaning in life. Journal of Counseling Psychology. 2006;53(1):80-93.

2. Lyubomirsky S. The Myths of Happiness: What should make you happy but doesn’t, what shouldn’t make you happy but does. Penguin Books; New York. 2013.

3. Seligman MEP. Flourish: A New Understanding of Happiness and Well-Being- and How to Achieve Them. Nicholas Brealey Publishing; London, UK. 2011.

4. Fredrickson B. Positivity: Groundbreaking Research to Release Your Inner Optimist and Thrive. Oneworld Publications; Oxford, England. 2010.

5. Siegel D. Mindsight: Transform Your Brain with the New Science of Kindness. Oneworld Publications; Oxford, UK. 2011.

6. Frankl VE. Man’s Search for Meaning. Rider Ebury Publishing, Random House, UK. 2004.

7. Steger MF, Kashdan TB, Sullivan BA, Lorentz D. Understanding the search for meaning in life: Personality, cognitive style, and the dynamic between seeking and experiencing meaning. Journal of Personality. 2008;76(2):199-228.

8. Diener E, Biswas-Diener R. Happiness: Unlocking the Mysteries of Psychological Wealth. Blackwell Publishing; Oxford, UK. 2008.

9. Seligman MEP. Learned Optimism: How to Change Your Mind and Your Life. Vintage Books; New York. 2006.

10. Layous K, Lyubomirsky S. The How, Why, What, When and Who of Happiness. In: Gruber J, Moskowitz JT (Ed.), Positive Emotion: Integrating the Light Sides and Dark Sides. Oxford University Press; New York. 2014.

11. References for the section truly amazing person: http://www.viktorfrankl.org, http://www.independent.co.uk/news/people/obituary-viktor-frankl-1237506.html, http://www.nytimes.com/1997/09/04/world/dr-viktor-e-frankl-of-vienna-psychiatrist-of-the-search-for-meaning-dies-at-92.html


If you found this information helpful, please consider supporting the campaign under Just Giving. Of course it is also great if you choose to support another charity or do a practical good deed, but it would be nice if you could let me know that you have done this because you felt inspired by this campaign. Please also feel free to share this post and let me know if you have any constructive feedback- good or bad!

View and Save as PDF

Follow the Blog- http://followthegoodlifecampaign.blogspot.co.uk

Donations- https://www.justgiving.com/teams/thegoodlifecampaign

Donations are in aid of the International Rescue Committee and the World Veterinary Service