The Good Life Campaign: Escaping The Prison Of The Past, Or: How To Make Memories Your Friends

‘Good memories are our second chance at happiness.’

Queen Elizabeth II

First of all I would like to apologise for the slight delay in publication of the last posts- I have been extremely busy inside and outside of work and have not quite managed to keep up the regular timing. It is likely that the posts throughout October will also be published with a little delay but I am hoping to return to the usual Friday pattern in November and December. But now straight to this week’s topic:

Why memories are important for our well-being

One of the topics I have found most fascinating during my research on well-being is the subject of memories, not only because memories have such a huge direct influence on happiness, but also because we now know so much more about the process of memory formation through advances in modern neuroscience.

Memories can strongly influence our current mood, thoughts and feelings, but our experiences of the past also significantly affect our present time decision-making. Our brains are big ‘prediction machines’, and our memories shape the expectations and predictions of what is likely to happen.^1-5 Therefore, we tend to experience reality through a filter of past (good or bad) experiences, although we may not always be aware for the reasons of our perceptions and decisions.

Knowing that our memories represent a subjective mental process and learning that we have some influence on how we form and use these memories can be empowering: It helps us to make more sense of our past experiences and it provides us with more choices about how to live in the present.^1-3

Memory formation- the basics

Any event that we experience causes activity of a large number of nerves cells (‘neurons’) in our nervous system, also called ‘neural firing’.¹ This activity often affects many different groups of nerve cells because most situations trigger several sensations. Effectively we end up with one combined large memory consisting of several ‘sub-memories’.^1-3 For example, when having dinner with friends you may form a memory, which includes the taste and smells of the food and drink, the conversations you had as well as any background music and different visual sensations. The combination of several memory ‘fragments’ into one larger complex memory is also described as as ‘neurons that fire together, wire together’, meaning that experiences are encoded by firing of different groups of neurons.^1-3

When recalling a memory, this connection between different ‘sub-memories’ is also important: If any of the sub-groups of nerve cells are activated again (by an internal even such as a thought or emotion, or by an external event such as a smell of food similar to the previously experienced situation), memories of the whole event may be triggered.^1,3

The two types of memory

The individual memory fragments may be stored in two different types of memory:

Explicit Memory:

The explicit memory stores all factual knowledge and our episodic/autobiographic memory.^1-3,5 So it serves as a conscious datastore where facts and bits of information are stored (e.g. how many people where at the dinner), and where events from our personal life are kept (remembering the dinner as a personal episode in our life, which then gets integrated into a larger autobiographic narrative: the story of our life as we remember it).
Explicit memory allows information to be deliberately recalled as and when required,¹ and it integrates individual experiences to make sense of ourselves and of the world around us. However, we need to focus on a specific aspect of the experience in order for it to be stored in explicit memory.¹ For example, if one of your friends makes an overly critical comment during the dinner but you are thinking about something else at the time, you may not remember the remark consciously, even if your ears captured the sounds.

Implicit memory:

Our implicit memory stores ‘procedural knowledge’, which allows us to perform procedures and skills without much conscious effort (such as riding a bike).^1-3,5
Implicit memory also encodes our perceptions, emotions, bodily sensations and certain default behaviours. For example, although you may not have paid attention to the critical comment of your friend, you may have picked up the remark +/- other signals subconsciously, and you may suddenly feel slightly ‘on edge’ without having an explanation for it; or, in case that you have consciously noticed the comment, it may be that it has triggered memories of a similar situation (e.g. your older sister who always finds a problem with you). Furthermore, implicit memory forms mental models (the generalization of past events merging into a ‘prototypical event’ of what we expect to happen: e.g., having dinner with friends is usually fun although sometimes things do not feel quite right) and it initiates priming. Priming means that the brain prepares itself to respond in a certain way,¹ for example if we are about to eat, our brain gets ready to engage brain areas required for the specific motions of taking the food to our mouth, chewing and swallowing.
Implicit memory has several distinctive features: It forms automatically, without us having to focus or pay attention to our experience; when a memory fragment emerges from the implicit memory, we do not have the sense that this information is retrieved from the past; and it is often fragmented, less flexible and adaptive than explicit memory.¹
Implicit memory is so important because it forms shapes our expectations and anticipations, prejudges our experiences and primes us for future events. It is also likely to contribute to our attitudes and beliefs that we have.¹ It has been shown that up to 80% of our behaviour is based on implicit memory,²which is significant because particularly implicit memory can be very unreliable (see below).

Specific brain areas and memory formation

I will keep this section short but it is helpful to know a little bit about the different brain areas in order to understand the problems associated with memory formation better:

An area called the hippocampus is an integral part to the explicit memory. It is closely associated with other brain regions, e.g. the amygdala, which attaches emotional meaning to experiences.^1,6 Furthermore, much of our memory is stored in the large, most superficial part of our brain the cortex (e.g. factual and linguistic knowledge, and our autobiographical memory).¹
When recalling an event, it is the hippocampus, which assembles individual memory ‘fragments’ into a whole memory assembly.^1,3 These memories may be a mix (implicit and explicit memories), although some implicit ‘sub-memories’ may remain fully unassembled and un-integrated.¹

Potential problems associated with memories

One obvious problem with memories is that they can trigger strong negative emotions and thoughts, increase anxiety and can give a general sense of inadequacy.^1-3 This is true for explicit as well as implicit memories, but particularly un-integrated implicit-only memories can be overwhelming and heavily charged with negative emotions (e.g., if you have a very difficult relationship with your overcritical and negative sister, an offhand comment by your friend may trigger all sorts of difficult feelings and associations). The problem is that although implicit memories feel very real, we do not realize that they are an experience from the past and they may literally appear ‘out of nowhere’.^1,2,6
Even positive explicit memories can potentially make us unhappy: If we constantly compare our (happier) past with our current (less happy) circumstances we can get stuck in unhelpful chronic nostalgia or regret.⁷
Biased decision-making: Particularly unexamined implicit-only memories can restrict our lives like a prison, as they shape our beliefs and expectations. We may consider our embedded emotional responses as ‘intuitions’, but they may in fact be unresolved moments and events from the past and may not be a sound basis for decision-making.^1,2
Additionally it has been shown that memories are often incorrect:

To start of with, experiments have shown that people are usually not able to truly remember the whole picture of an event, which is one of the reasons why witness statements are often fraud. This means that we all have our own interpretation of reality and this of course translates into our memory.^4,5 Additionally, when retrospectively judging an event (including pain) we tend to base our judgment predominantly on the (positive or negative) peak experience and the ending of the event, rather than forming a true average.^5,8
After an event is remembered and it is no longer active, it becomes reconsolidated.^1-3 It is thought that this process takes several minutes to hours.³ During this time, the memory tends to change slightly so that it shifts and distorts over time. It is even possible that a memory in the reconsolidation phase can get associated with completely new information (whatever else is present in the mind at that moment).^1-3
Memories can also be skewed either emphasizing positive or negative aspects. Luckily, our explicit memory is often positively biased.³ However, there are huge individual differences, with people who report themselves as happy recalling mainly positive events, whereas less happy people tend to remember the negative experiences more readily.⁵ Our implicit memory is generally negatively biased, which means that negative experiences are significantly more likely to be stored than positive experiences.³

Memory and stress: Under influence of negative stress, the function of the hippocampus can be severely impaired or even completely blocked, so that we encode less explicit memories and also find memory integration more difficult.^1,2 This makes it more difficult to remember facts (e.g. when working towards an exam), and we also find it more difficult to make sense of what happens to us. Conversely, the function of the amygdala is increased by stress hormones, enforcing the formation of emotionally charged implicit memory. Because of course negative memories themselves can be a source of stress, this may lead to a perpetual negative vicious circle.

Using memories wisely to improve well-being

As a general approach, it is important to remember that memories represent our interpretation of reality and that they may not be correct or objective. It is also very important to support normal brain function. As mentioned above, the hippocampus has an essential role in memory formation, not only when encoding explicit memory but also for the integration of problematic fragments of implicit memory. Sufficient sleep and exercise are essential to support a normal memory and also decrease reactivity of the amygdala.^1,6,9Mindfulness-based practices have been shown to strengthen brain areas associated with learning and memory, including the hippocampus.^3,8

Furthermore, it has been demonstrated that it is possible to support well-being by dealing with memories in specific ways:

Replay good memories, but analyse the bad:

Evidence suggests that that one of the secrets of happiness is to self-activate positive experiences.^3,5,7 This means that we should try to collect as many positive experiences as possible in order to form a ‘positive memory bank-account’. The best way to use these good memories is to replay and savour them like a video. This can then influence both, our implicit and explicit, memories in a positive way, thereby not only increasing our current but also our future well-being,^3,5,7 very much in-line with the advice of Queen Elizabeth II.
Conversely, we should try not to replay but instead systematically analyse our unhappy or difficult memories. In this way, we find it easier to understand what happened to us, come to terms with it and, if possible, extract some meaning.⁷ So we can overcome bad memories or even use them as an opportunity to grow and learn from the negative things, which happened to us. In order to avoid unproductive rumination or ‘replay’, we can analyse negative memories in a step-by-step approach in writing.⁷

Be careful when comparing past and present: As mentioned above, comparing our current situation with more positive past memories may undermine our well-being. However, comparisons can increase our well-being when we deliberately compare our current experiences with negative memories, because this may highlight the positive developments in our life.⁷
Use effective techniques to ‘re-wire’ difficult memories:

As mentioned above, un-integrated implicit memory fragments are a particular challenge, not only because of their emotional charge but also because they may be outside our awareness. Memory integration is therefore the key to a greater well-being: Integrating memory means that we are able to take the separate fragments of implicit memory and link them together into the more conclusive, interconnected, flexible and adaptive explicit memory.¹
This type of integration can be achieved with reconditioning. Reconditioning means that we associate old memories with new experiences and meanings.^2,3
As mentioned above, memories undergo a reconsolidation phase after being recalled, allowing a memory shift. We can use this effect to our advantage, as under the right circumstances, we can deliberately re-direct the reconsolidation: When focusing our full attention on a negative memory, we activate the entire memory assembly encoding the experience (including the implicit as well as explicit memory fragments). However, while doing this, it is important not to get fully immersed in the memory and instead stay conscious of the fact that it represents an experience of the past. Then, while still remembering the negative memory, we can bring to mind a strongly positive experience, holding both experiences in ‘dual awareness’.^1-3 Although this technique requires practice, the simultaneous neural firing of positive and negative memories causes them to be linked together (as ‘neurons which fire together, wire together’). So next time the negative memory gets re-activated, the positive material will also re-emerge and over time, difficult memories and even old trauma may be resolved, together with associated negative emotions, shame or self-doubt.^1-3 However, it is important that this technique is initially practiced with memories, which are not heavily emotionally charged, and it is essential to use guidance of an experienced therapist when using it for traumatic memories.^1-3
It has been suggested that the reason why this technique works so well is that it activates implicit memory fragments while simultaneously making the conscious effort to realize, that they represent past experiences. In this way, the memory fragments may become available for integration by the hippocampus and be translated into explicit memory.¹

Preview: This week’s post had to do with how our memories change us and how we may change using our memories. Next week we will continue with the theme and look into the question in how far, realistically, we can change ourselves.

References and further reading:

1. Siegel D. Mindsight: Transform Your Brain with the New Science of Kindness. Oneworld Publications; Oxford, UK. 2011.

2. Graham L. Bouncing Back: Rewiring Your Brain for Maximum Resilience and Well-Being. New World Library; Novato. 2013.

3. Hanson R: Hardwiring Happiness: How to reshape your brain and your life. Rider Ebury Publishing, Random House, UK. 2013.

4. Eagleman D. The Brain: The story of you. Canongate Books Ltd; Edinburgh, UK. 2015.

5. Diener E, Biswas-Diener R. Happiness: Unlocking the Mysteries of Psychological Wealth. Blackwell Publishing; Oxford, UK. 2008.

6. Pittman CM, Karle EM. Rewire Your Anxious Brain: How to use the neuroscience of fear to end anxiety, panic & worry. New Harbinger Publications; Oakland. 2015.

7. Lyubomirsky S. The Myths of Happiness: What should make you happy but doesn’t, what shouldn’t make you happy but does. Penguin Books; New York. 2013.

8. Kabat-Zinn J: Full Catastrophe Living: How To Cope With Stress, Pain and Illness Using Mindfulness Meditation. Piatkus. 2013

9. Seppälä E. The Happiness Track: How to Apply the Science of Happiness to Accelerate Your Success. Piatkus; London, UK. 2016.

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