“Holding on to anger is like
grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the
one who gets burned.“
Buddhaghosa (Buddhist scholar)
Please note: If you are in a personal
emotional crisis or if you suspect that you are affected by a mental illness, I
strongly recommend you to seek professional help. Some emergency UK contact
details are listed at the bottom of this post. Please also share this post- it
may help somebody.
Learning
to deal with negative life situations, negative thoughts and emotions can be
one of the most effective ways of increasing our well-being,1-3 but cultivating
this skill takes time, patience and sometimes
courage. Changing your approach
and thought patterns can be compared to training a specific muscle group:2
It may feel difficult at the beginning but with regular training the ‘muscles’
will eventually become stronger; it has been demonstrated that our brain can
truly form new neural connections throughout our lifetime, reinforcing these new
thought patterns (neuroplasticity).1,2
Negative
emotions and mind-states include anger, frustration, sadness/dispair,
anxiety/fear, shame, guilt, loneliness/rejection, a sense of emptiness or
helplessness and many more. These feelings can sometimes be really difficult to
deal with. One of the reason for this is that emotions arise in a different
part of the brain than our rational thinking.1,2 Also, negative
emotions can elicit the stress response.4 Once we are affected by
strong emotions, our cortex (the rational thinking part of the brain) may have
little influence over our thoughts and behaviour.1,5 This is why we may
act irrationally and why we may take wrong decisions when we are in the grip of
strong negative feelings and mindsets. We also often identify with our negative
thoughts and feelings, taking them as absolute truths and assuming that they
define us as a person (cognitive fusion),1,5
which can leave us feeling even worse.
Negative
emotions are often triggered when our core needs for safety, satisfaction and
connection (with other people) are not met,2 either due to true
deprivation or in our subjective assessment. Or more simply put: we tend to suffer if the world is not how
we expect it or wish it to be. Whatever the cause, it is important to learn
how to deal with these emotional states.
Dealing with overwhelming negative emotions (‘emergency
measures’)
- Try to take full, deep and slow breaths through your abdomen. Deep abdominal breathing (using the diaphragm) stimulates the vagus nerve, which is part of the parasympathetic (‘rest and digest’) nervous system and which directly counteracts the sympathetic system (stress response). By doing this, we essentially make use of an automatic physiological reaction and this is why abdominal breathing is one of the most effective methods to calm us down.2,5
- Try to relax your muscles: When your muscles become tense, the amygdala (the ‘stress centre’ in the brain) becomes activated. Muscle relaxation can help to reduce this activity.5
- Remember that you are not alone: Firstly, there is always someone out there willing to help. Try to accept this help when you need it; this help may be having a chat, getting a hug and/or cup of tea or even anonymous contact over the phone or digital media (see below). Secondly, suffering is essentially a shared human experience. This does not make it any more pleasant, but remembering that it is a normal and natural process can bring some comfort.4
- Try to be kind to yourself. Often, strong negative emotions lead to a downward spiral of negative thoughts and further negative feelings. Additionally, there may be a harsh, critical voice inside you, which can become particularly cruel in difficult times. So try not to make things even more difficult for yourself:
o
Simply acknowledge that
you are going through a difficult time but try not to catastrophize or be
overly self-critical.4 As mentioned above, having negative feelings is a shared human experience. It is not a
sign of weakness and there is nothing to be ashamed of; it is completely and
utterly normal.
o
Remember that even
the worst moments will come to an end at some point.5 Thoughts
and feelings come and go.
o
Mindfulness can be a great help in
the long run to reduce emotional reactivity and increase self-compassion (see
below).
- If you know that you are prone to stress or other negative mind states in certain situations, it may be worth to come up with your own ‘first-aid response’ routine. These things may include a short form of your preferred meditation or relaxation technique, having some feel-good music, photos or other items ready, reminding yourself of good times or of someone you love. You can also use post-it notes or screen savers with helpful statements (e.g. ‘This too shall pass’) or quotes, to elicit more neutral or positive thoughts and feelings.
- Vigorous (aerobic) exercise can make us immediately feel better as it reduces the adrenalin, cortisol and excessive glucose in our blood, which are released at times of stress.1,4,5
- Remember that your logical thinking and sound judgment are likely to be impaired when you are under the influence of strong negative feelings. If possible, you should therefore avoid making important decisions in these difficult moments.3,5
How to build Emotional Intelligence and dealing with
negativity constructively
So
how can we learn to deal with negative experiences in a helpful way in the long
run? The combination of two key skills is required here: 1) Learning and
applying the skill of emotion regulation and emotional intelligence 2) Applying
a rational problem-solving approach.
Emotion regulation means that you are fully
aware of the emotions that you have, but you are generally able to put them in
perspective without becoming overwhelmed and without fully identifying with
your negative feelings. By taking the feelings as something you experience but not as something, which
defines you as a person, your cortex is more likely to stay engaged thereby
increasing your control.1,2,5 In this way, you become more resilient
to stress. To come back to above quote by Buddhaghosa, it is like noticing that hot coal is nearby, but choosing not picking it up.
To
explain how emotional regulation can be achieved it may help to know a little
bit about the brain areas, which are involved in the process:1
Emotions arise in an area called the ‘limbic
system’ of the brain, including the amygdala (the ‘stress centre’).
However, to ‘tune into’ and make sense of our emotions, we also need a separate
area called the ‘insula’. The insula
also moderates the conscious awareness of our bodies (body sensations), and furthermore allows us to gain insight into
the emotional states of other people (empathy).
Finally, there is the cortex,
particularly the prefrontal cortex, which sits behind our forehead. The prefrontal cortex is not only the
center of logical thinking and moral reasoning, but it also integrates and prioritizes
the signals received from the limbic system and insula. A part of the prefrontal cortex is also important for
focusing our attention/concentration.
So,
for an optimal emotion regulation it is helpful to have a strong influence of
the insula (for self-awareness about our mental state and our body), and
prefrontal cortex (to make sense of the input from different brain and body
regions, to prioritize, and to be able to deliberately redirect our attention).
For those of us who are not lucky enough to have ‘natural’ talent for emotion
regulation there is good news! Mindfulness
awareness exercises have been shown to be very effective for this,1-5
as mindfulness appears to strengthen the function of the prefrontal cortex and
the insula.1,2 Mindfulness also increases our potential for
self-compassion (not to be confused with self-pity!) and for empathy/compassion
with other people. Emotion regulation, self-compassion and compassion are
essential components of what we commonly call emotional intelligence.
Mindfulness can be defined as paying
active attention to our moment-to-moment body sensations and mental/emotional
experiences with a kind, open and accepting attitude. When practiced regularly,
we can cultivate a non-judgmental awareness of our feelings, thoughts and
mind-states, observing them rather
than identifying with them.1,6
Also, we are more likely to notice
our emotions and thoughts earlier as they arise but without getting entangled in them. As we become less reactive to our emotions and learn
to be kinder to ourselves, we are
able to apply more constructive,
self-supporting thinking and behaviour in difficult situations. More
details on mindfulness and meditation will follow in a separate post shortly. There
are also other practices, which have a similar mind-focusing effect, including
some types of yoga, Tai Chi and walking meditations.1,4
But emotional
intelligence is not everything. Sometimes, we have negative experiences because
of our life situation. To employ an extreme example: if you are in an abusive
relationship, you would be better off ending (or at least changing) the
relationship rather than just improving your emotion regulation. This is where
the problem-solving attitude comes in. We will discuss exactly how to use a
combination of emotional intelligence and problem solving to deal with
different negative life situations over the next two weeks.
A truly amazing person- What
can we learn from…:
Jayne Hardy is a truly inspiring
person: She suffered severe depression for many years, which -at some point-
was so debilitating that she was neglecting her health, was unable to work and could
not even leave her house. During that difficult time she particularly suffered
from the feeling of isolation. However, at the same time, she found it very
difficult to seek help and talk about her illness because she felt ashamed,
hopeless and helpless.
One
day though Jayne’s life changed: She discovered Twitter and realized that there
were many people who were facing the same struggles – that she was not alone. The
fact that other people shared similar life experiences gave her hope and a
sense of connection, as she was able to communicate with others from inside her
home. Gradually, she managed to overcome her isolation. In 2011 Jayne
established the Blurt Foundation, a non-profit
organisation challenging the stigma around mental health and supporting people
struggling with depression in innovative ways. The services include an online
peer support group, a website with great resources and ‘Buddy Boxes’ (care packets
filled with inspiring and comforting items), which you can order for yourself
or somebody else who is in need of some extra care and comfort. What we can
learn from Jayne Hardy is that if you learn to be able to accept help, you will not only improve your own well-being but you
will also be able to provide essential help
to others.
You can find out more
about Jayne Hardy and the great Blurt Foundation here
More information about this topic on the web:
Listen to the TED lecture
of psychologist Guy Winch on the importance of emotional first aid
EMERGENCY UK CONTACTS –
24h service:
Samaritans: phone- 116 123 or email:
jo@samaritans.org
Vetlife (for vets, vet students and vet nurses): phone- 0303 040 2551 or Confidential Email
Support
Preview: Next week we will continue to discuss the long-term
management of negative experiences.
References and further
evidence-based reading:
1. Siegel
D. Mindsight: Transform Your Brain with the New Science of Kindness. Oneworld
Publications; Oxford, UK. 2011.
2. Hanson
R: Hardwiring Happiness: How to reshape your brain and your life. Rider Ebury
Publishing, Random House, UK. 2013.
3.
Fredrickson B. Positivity: Groundbreaking Research to Release Your Inner
Optimist and Thrive. Oneworld Publications; Oxford, England. 2010
4. Seppälä
E. The Happiness Track: How to Apply the Science of Happiness to Accelerate
Your Success. Piatkus; London, UK. 2016.
5.
Pittman CM, Karle EM: Rewire Your Anxious Brain: How to use the neuroscience of
fear to end anxiety, panic & worry. New Harbinger Publications: Oakland.
2015.
6. Williams
M, Penman D. Mindfulness: A Practical Guide To Finding Peace In A Frantic
World. Hachette Digital Little, Brown Book Group; London, UK. 2011.
If you found this information helpful, please consider supporting the campaign under Just Giving. Of course it is also great if you choose to support another charity or do a practical good deed, but it would be nice if you could let me know that you have done this because you felt inspired by this campaign. Please also feel free to share this post and let me know if you have any constructive feedback- good or bad!
If you found this information helpful, please consider supporting the campaign under Just Giving. Of course it is also great if you choose to support another charity or do a practical good deed, but it would be nice if you could let me know that you have done this because you felt inspired by this campaign. Please also feel free to share this post and let me know if you have any constructive feedback- good or bad!
Follow the Blog- https://followthegoodlifecampaign.blogspot.co.uk
Donations are in aid of the International Rescue Committee and the World Veterinary Service
No comments:
Post a Comment