The Good Life Campaign: The Secrets of a Good Life- Part Two

"Circumstances are beyond human control, but our conduct is in our own power."

Benjamin Disraeli (statesman)

Practical steps to a better well-being

After previously looking at how we can improve our quality of life by changing our attention and interpretation/thinking patterns, today is going to be about which behaviours can helpful to maximize well-being. As with the attention and mind-sets, some of these behaviours require practice to become effective, but evidence suggests, that significant long-term changes can be achieved.^1-5

Changing your behaviour:

Physiological needs and appropriate self-care: This might sound basic but is really important. Our emotions are influenced by physiological factors- it is difficult to stay in a positive mood if you are hungry, exhausted, or dehydrated.^2,4 Physiological needs also include the right type and amount of exercise and stimulation for you. Because it is so essential to get the basics right (the foundations of our well-being so to speak) it will be the topic for the next post.
Being outdoors in nature has also been shown to boost positive emotions.¹ Outdoor activities such as walking or cycling therefore represent an ideal combination of exercise and exposure to nature.
Spending your time in a meaningful way is essential. Finding meaning is one of the strongest motivators in our lives,^1,2,8 and taking up a corresponding activity, occupation or hobby greatly enhances well-being. We often find the greatest meaning in activities, which do not directly benefit ourselves but which serve a greater good. This may other people (or animals!) we personally know, an organization, or value system/abstract concept (e.g. animal welfare, science or religion).
Remember the signature strengths? It has been shown that we can increase our positive emotions by regularly applying our top strengths (ideally on a daily basis).¹Applying your signature strengths makes us happy, because they resonate with our personal values and principles. You can do a free signature strengths test at https://www.authentichappiness.sas.upenn.edu or https://www.viacharacter.org (both free but registration required). If our actions are in conflict with our values, we are likely to experience negative emotions, which is why it is so important that our behaviour is in line with our core beliefs.⁵ This applies to our private as well as our professional life.
Accomplishment, self-control and mastery are also core components of well-being. Try to work systematically towards worthwhile and realistic goals, breaking down the overall main goal into small subtasks and give yourself credit for accomplishing them.^7,8
Deep engagement in a work or leisure activity to the degree that you lose track of time boosts your well-being. To achieve this state of flow, it is important that the task is difficult enough to require your full attention but not too difficult to exceed your capability.^1,8
Similarly, having a strong passion for something boosts positivity. Reviving an old hobby or finding a new interest can be greatly energising.¹
Novelty and curiosity also evoke positive emotions. Exploring something new and or applying a strengths in a new way often makes us feel good.^1,5
Reading books or listening to podcasts about inspiring people is another easy way of increasing positivity.¹
Last week we mentioned the helpful mind-set of gratitude, which can be put into action. It has been shown that we can immediately evoke positive emotions by writing down things that we are grateful for.^1,5 Similarly, actively acknowledging thinks which have gone well in a day (rather than listing things which went wrong), help increasing positivity.
Watching the news, continuously checking your emails and following social media has been shown to often induce negative emotions.^1,3 While it is obviously important to stay informed, you may want to limit your ‘media diet’ by checking the news, emails and social media updates less frequently. Similarly, you can avoid watching violent/anxiety-provoking movies and TV programs if they affect you negatively.
As mentioned in the previous post, positive social interactions with other people (but also contact with animals) are key to our well-being.¹ Generally increasing and deepening our social contacts, or performing acts of kindness and meditating on positive feelings towards others can all help to increase these positive interactions.⁵As good as positive social relationships are, negative interactions can be really problematic. Depending on your individual situation you may want to consider changing the way you relate to others. You can practice assertiveness and negotiation skills, improve your communication skills and learn how to deal with difficult people. If you tend to show negative responses such as sarcasm, anger or unnecessary negative criticism towards others, you can also try modify your behaviour. More on this important point will follow on another day!
Practice relaxation techniques: Many different methods are available including deep breathing techniques, various meditation types, imagery, hypnosis, self-hypnosis, progressive muscle relaxation, yoga and others.^1,3 The good thing about relaxation exercises such as breathing techniques or meditation is that you can use them whenever a difficult situation arises. In the long term, meditation and breathing exercises can also help us with emotional regulation and stress reduction, and are therefore extremely helpful if we struggle with negative emotions (e.g. anger, anxiety, shame), depression and chronic stress.^3,6 More informal ways to relax include things like artistic hobbies and music, receiving a massage or a hot bath.
Know your preferred healthy distractions and fun activities. Distractions are a good way of avoiding rumination (=repetitive worrying thoughts)¹, and may include hobbies, leisure activities such as going to the cinema or solving crosswords, sport, meeting friends, cleaning your house or gardening. As rumination is not constructive and has been associated with negative emotions, particularly anxiety and depression, it is particularly important to break this habit.^1,3
Learn to use negative emotions constructively and address your vulnerabilities: As mentioned in the previous post, it is helpful to deal with negative situations/life events with a problem solving approach, if at all possible. Whenever experiencing a negative emotion, it is helpful to assess if it is justified or not, and whether or not you can change the situation triggering the emotion. If the situation/life circumstance can be changed, then try to find the most effective behaviour/actions. Even if the situation cannot be changed, you have several options available to help and decrease the negative effects the situation has on you.¹ If you feel that you have any weaknesses, which you would like to address then try to work on them systematically. Try to avoid exaggerated expectations; instead be kind to yourself but work on the problem systematically. We will look into this more closely in a few weeks.
Remember the effects of embodied cognition. There is continuous interaction between our body sensations, our emotions and thoughts. It has been shown that our body posture and facial expression can have a direct effect on the way we experience a situation. When we straighten up our backs or smile a little (a soft smile rather than a fake grin), we automatically feel more positive,⁶ and when we relax our muscles we feel calmer and less anxious.³
And finally: Small frequent pleasures lighten up our day and can make all the difference. Find little things which you like and try to experience them as often as possible- this may be looking at photographs from your last holiday, listening to your favourite music, treating yourself to the occasional piece of chocolate, giving yourself extra 5 minutes to play with your children, or getting a hug from your partner. Luckily it turns out that small and frequent pleasures give us more positive emotions than large but infrequent ones.⁷ To use an analogy, you are better off to go out to a standard restaurant every month, rather than having a three star dinner once a year.

In summary, we have a great influence over our emotions as we can choose how we attend, think, interpret and respond to events, and we can engage in positive activities. The secret is to practice positive approaches, making sure it fits your personality and life-style, and ensuring that you allow yourself flexibility and variability in your thoughts and activities.⁵ Changing our mind-set and behaviours will take some time and effort, but it can be done. It is just important to take one step at a time and be kind to yourself in the process!

A truly amazing person- What can we learn from…:

Amira is 37 year-old nurse from Syria. She and her family have been living in Jordan since they were forced to flee from their hometown Dara’a four years ago due to the civil war in Syria. The living conditions in Jordan are not easy for the family; they have to depend on food vouchers, and Amira and her husband are not allowed to work due to restrictions on work permits for refugees. Also, Amira found it difficult to adjust to the new situation because she was missing her old community, her work and the family home. However, she started to take action: Amira began to volunteer at a health clinic run by the International Rescue Committee and for this work she is allowed to receive a small compensatory payment. However, the voluntary role is not only providing a small financial improvement. Helping others with her work has given Amira some meaning and hope for a better future. In her own words, Amira said: ‘I feel like I’m valuable when I go out and work (…) It’s a tiring position, but it’s worth it. I feel so much better emotionally and psychologically.’

What we can learn from Amira is that even if we are forced to live in difficult circumstances, we may still be able to improve our lives. By looking for opportunities and finding the right activity, which is meaningful and valuable to us, we can enhance our own well-being. With our conduct, which is in our power, we are able to defy circumstances at least to a certain degree.

You can read Amira’s full story and learn about the important work from the International Rescue Committee at IRC Healing Herself Helping Others and https://www.rescue-uk.org

More on this topic on the web:

The University of California, Berkeley (http://greatergood.berkeley.edu) has an outstanding website on the topic of happiness and a meaningful life. The website is a great general resource on all aspects of well-being but also has a very practical sub-section, the Greater Good in Action. At http://ggia.berkeley.edu you can find suggestions for many practices and exercises, which improve well-being. All exercises are evidence-based and include many things already covered on this blog, but also other strategies, which will be discussed over the next months!

Preview: We have been through most of the principles now and are ready to look at individual points in more detail. Getting the basics right is the essential foundation of well-being and this is why self-care and maintaining the energy balance will kick off the series of individual tips next week.

References and further evidence-based reading:

1. Fredrickson B. Positivity: Groundbreaking Research to Release Your Inner Optimist and Thrive. Oneworld Publications; Oxford, England. 2010.

2. Diener E, Biswas-Diener R. Happiness: Unlocking the Mysteries of Psychological Wealth. Blackwell Publishing; Oxford, UK. 2008.

3. Pittman CM, Karle EM. Rewire Your Anxious Brain: How to use the neuroscience of fear to end anxiety, panic & worry. New Harbinger Publications; Oakland. 2015.

4. Seppälä E. The Happiness Track: How to Apply the Science of Happiness to Accelerate Your Success. Piatkus; London, UK. 2016.

5. Layous K, Lyubomirsky S. The How, Why, What, When and Who of Happiness. In: Gruber J, Moskowitz JT (Ed.), Positive Emotion: Integrating the Light Sides and Dark Sides. Oxford University Press; New York. 2014.

6. Hanson R: Hardwiring Happiness: How to reshape your brain and your life. Rider Ebury Publishing, Random House, UK. 2013.

7. Lyubomirsky S. The Myths of Happiness: What should make you happy but doesn’t, what shouldn’t make you happy but does. Penguin Books; New York. 2013.

8. Seligman MEP. Flourish: A New Understanding of Happiness and Well-Being- and How to Achieve Them. Nicholas Brealey Publishing; London, UK. 2011.

If you found this information helpful, please consider supporting the campaign under Just Giving. Of course it is also great if you choose to support another charity or do a practical good deed, but it would be nice if you could let me know that you have done this because you felt inspired by this campaign. Please also feel free to share this post and let me know if you have any constructive feedback- good or bad!

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