A Quote for the Week and Quick Update

 A faithful campaign follower has sent in another quote, which I would like to share. It fits in nicely with the theme of resilience:

'I am not afraid of storms for I am learning how to sail my ship.'

                                       Louisa May Alcott (Novelist and Poet)

It is certainly true that the ability to cope and 'bounce back' has a lot to do with knowing your ship, looking after it and knowing how to sail, i.e. knowing yourself, looking after yourself and learning how to act and think in constructive, flexible and self-supportive ways. 

Resilience and mindfulness have been two of the most popular topics on the blog so far, and I would therefore also like to share a link, which another regular blog follower has sent in for anybody interested in mindfulness: 

The Oxford Mindfulness Centre is associated with Oxford University and is provides high-quality mindfulness courses as well as other resources on the topic. More information can be found under:

http://oxfordmindfulness.org

Finally, I would like to thank you all for your continuous support and messages! Please also note that for various reasons the next main post about resilience at work will be slightly delayed and published over the next weekend, rather than on Friday. 

I hope that you will all sail smoothly through this week, 

Petra

Can You Face The Storm?- About Resilience Part 2

‘ Learn how to cope, sweet friend. There will always be dark days.’        

                                                                           Kris Carr (Author)

Like everybody else, I have been very saddened by the events in Manchester. And of course this is only one of many violent incidences, not to speak of larger armed conflicts, which are taking place around the world in the last years - in fact, more precisely, which have always been taking place throughout the centuries somewhere. It can be easy to get cynical about the aggressive potential of humans, but as much as these things can show the dark side of humanity, they can also show the best: There are always people who care, people who help, people who believe in shared values across the somewhat artificial borders of religion, nationality and ethnicity, people who are strong and who give others the strength to carry on. And all this has to do with resilience.

After introducing the general concept of resilience in the last post, we will look into the skill ‘tool-box’ of resilient people to find out what exactly we can do to increase our ability to bounce back.

Learning the skills of resilience:

As previously mentioned, resilient people tend to have a high level of emotional intelligence, self-care, self-compassion and self-esteem, active coping strategies, reasoning and a strong moral compass. Underlying these characteristics are specific self-supportive thinking patterns, mind-sets and behaviours, which all of us are potentially able to adopt. As always with learning a new skill, we will need to be prepared to put in some determination and effort, but with some patience it is possible to change our habits. As also discussed in previous posts, the effect of neuroplasticity (the ability of the brain to continuously form new connections) means that new thinking and behavioural habits can become deeply embedded over time.¹ Specific resilience-supporting skills include:

• Self-awareness and appropriate self-care: Of course we can sometimes choose to sacrifice our short-term comfort for an overarching goal or for the benefit of others. However, this is only possible to a degree before it leads to a depletion of our energy reserves. The level of this tipping point very much depends on individual factors. Being aware of your emotions, and individual physical and mental needs is of course the first step and the very foundation of resilience.² Self-awareness can be increased by practicing mindfulness.¹ It then needs to be translated into self-care, which maintains your energy levels and diffuses stress.³ Self-care includes an appropriate amount of sleep, the right balance between rest and stimulation, adequate diet and exercise. This is not about selfishness. It is about getting the balance right and making sure that you do not neglect your own needs. Self-care is often compared to the emergency advice given on planes, to put your own oxygen mask on first before attending to others. For more information, have a look at Don't Forget the Basics.
• Self-compassion: It means that you are kind to yourself, accepting yourself as a fundamentally worthwhile person and that you treat yourself as you would treat a good friend.³ In this way, you are able to allow yourself the necessary room to feel grief, anger or other negative emotions without falling into the traps of self-pity. Self-compassion also helps when dealing with failures and makes us more likely to learn and grow from adverse events, find new opportunities, and be grateful for our experiences.³ For some of us self-compassion can be difficult, but it can be learnt as you can read in Taming Your Inner Critic- About Self-Acceptance and Self-Compassion.
• Emotion-focused vs problem-focused coping: Resilient people have a sense that they have control over what happens to them (internal locus of control),² and are able to apply different coping strategies to different situations. The emphasis in situations, which can be changed should be in actively solving the problem (active coping) even if this seems difficult and/or requires courage.^4,5 However, many difficult situations cannot be changed or only partially changed, which is where the main focus is on emotion regulation (see below).⁵ You can remind yourself how to best assess negative situations and helpful strategies for dealing with different situations in Dealing with the Darker Days- Increase Your Control and Working Out What To Do.
• Emotion regulation: Being able to regulate your own emotions is an essential key component of resilience. It relates to both, positive and negative emotions. Practicing mindfulness has been shown to increase the capacity for emotion regulation greatly and is therefore highly recommended.¹ Mindfulness helps you to focus your mind on the present moment, rather than worrying about the past or future, and teaches you to engage less with your negative thoughts and emotions. In this way, you avoid a downward spiral of negativity and you are more likely to recognize the small positive events, which can often be found even in the most difficult situations.
• Positive emotions: Apart from making us feel good, positive emotions such as joy, contentment, curiosity and hope make us mindful, creative, open to experiences and increase the connection to others; they also give us strength, make us feel more autonomous and give us the sense of meaning. Resilient people actively seek positive emotions even during moments of crisis: They spend time on activities which make them feel good, feel connection and love towards other people, find opportunities to feel grateful or are inspired by the compassion/acts of kindness of other people.^4-8 It is not necessarily the intensity of the emotions that matters most, but more the frequency. Even small pleasures are helpful, as long as they are consciously savoured.⁵
• Negative emotions: Resilient people do not necessarily feel less negative emotions, the negative feelings just last for a shorter period of time.⁶ It is very important to allow ourselves to feel the negative emotions (see also under self-compassion above) before we start dealing with them constructively and while avoiding rumination.^5-7 See also: Dealing with the Darker Days- Emergency Measures and Emotional Intelligence
• Cultivating gratitude and acceptance: As gratitude is an elevating, self-transcendent positive emotion it is particularly helpful in reinforcing resilience.^5-8 Gratitude can be practiced in several ways (including mindfulness), as previously discussed in Appreciating Your Life- Gratitude. Acceptance can be extremely difficult but may be our only option in some situations.⁶ The capacity for acceptance and equanimity can also be cultivated with mindfulness.

• Reframing and gaining perspective: Resilient people know that what usually matters most is not the negative event itself but what we think about the event. Articulating a trauma narrative, trying to see negative events from another perspective and as an opportunity to learn, to re-order our priorities and to grow, allows us to see the events in a more positive light.^5,6,8 This also applies when dealing with our regrets, mistakes and failures. Remember that we are generally more likely to regret the things that we have not done than things that we have done.⁵
• Meaning: As discussed in What Do You Live For- About Finding Meaning, having a sense of meaning can be a very strong motivation and source of hope. It is possible to find meaning even in the most difficult life circumstances. Focusing on what really matters to us has been therefore recognized as a key factor for resilience.^5,6,8,9
• Making best use of your character strengths and be aware of your values: These are closely associated with meaning, moral reasoning and also with active coping. Being aware of your strengths and applying them in order to improve your situation is as important as using an adverse event as an opportunity to become the best version of yourself and standing up for your values.^5,8
• Connecting to others and maintaining/deepening relationships: We will soon come to a series of posts about the great influence of other people onto our well-being (and the potential associated difficulties!). Although you may feel more like curling up alone in a dark corner in difficult times, it is critically important to keep the connection to others. Resilient people are very much aware of the strength that they can derive from social support and actively seek social support in difficult times.^2,4,6 Additionally, they are also able to effectively solve interpersonal conflicts.² Specific helpful strategies include:
• Constructive self-disclosure: talking to others and sharing feeling with others improves our well-being when facing adversity.^5,8
• Having at least one other person who can give us social support, has been shown to have a direct positive impact on stress resilience.¹⁰ This is not only because other people give us moral support, but also because other people may be able to help us with practical advice and hands-on help.
• Helping or teaching others can help us to find meaning and find a greater sense of purpose during and after difficult times in life.^4,5
• Empathy (the ability to understand the perspective and emotions of other people) and compassion (the ability to care about the suffering of others) has been identified as another very important factor in resilience.^2-4 Again, mindfulness can be very helpful to foster our capacity for compassion and to truly connect to others. Some of you may also have heard about compassion in a less positive context, namely compassion fatigue. More on the important topic of empathy and compassion (including compassion fatigue) will follow soon.
• Dealing effectively with conflict: As supportive as social connections can be, they can sometimes also be the very cause of negative situations or at least be a source of additional stress. Resilient people are able to stand up for their values but use emotional intelligence to resolve conflicts in a flexible and constructive way wherever possible.² This may include negotiation skills and assertiveness, but also empathy and forgiveness. More on how to deal with difficult people will also follow in a separate post!  
• Building self-esteem: Self-esteem means that we have self-respect and are confident in our abilities, which in itself is a source of strength when times get rough. If self-esteem does not come easy to you, you can foster it in various ways including accomplishment/achievement of goals, friendships, by acting with compassion towards others and helping others, and by practicing self-compassion.⁵ One could also say that we build self-esteem by making a difference to our environment or to other people. As our life circumstances can vary over time (sometimes through factors outside of our control) it is a wise move not to rely on a single source for your self-esteem. For example, if we draw our self-esteem solely from professional achievements, this may become a problem if we are at risk of failing an important goal, our work becomes too demanding for us (and we are at risk of burn-out), or when being made redundant or on retirement.    

Admittedly, most of us will not be able to excel in all of the categories above, but with some perseverence it will be possible to at least become a little better in coping with a difficult stretch in life, which will surely come at some point, as Kris Carr knows. Next time you hear a story about somebody overcoming an adversity or when you observe somebody you know dealing well with a negative life situation, use them as a role model and try to identify the strategies they used. Also, as mindfulness is a particularly effective method of improving several of above-mentioned skills, you may want to remind yourself about it in Staying In The Moment: Mindfulness And Conscious Appreciation.

More on this topic on the web:

If you would like to go beyond mindfulness, then it would be worth to visit the Greater Good In Action website, which has many great exercises to help nurture resilience: https://ggia.berkeley.edu/#filters=resilience_to_stress

Preview: Difficult situations can arise in all aspects of our lives but work can be a special case, as it is more a problem of chronic stress rather than a single traumatic event. A lot of research has gone into increasing resilience at work, and identifying specific approaches, which can help us to avoid chronic occupational stress and burnout. As stress at work can affect all of us and often has a significant negative impact on our quality of life, I will share some of the most recent insights into resilience at work in the next post.  

References and further evidence-based reading:

1. Siegel D. Mindsight: Transform Your Brain with the New Science of Kindness. Oneworld Publications; Oxford, UK. 2011.

2. Wiens KJ. Leading Through Burnout: The Influence Of Emotional Intelligence On The Ability Of Executive Level Physician Leaders To Cope With Occupational Stress And Burnout [Dissertation]. University of Pennsylvania. 2016.

3. Seppälä E. The Happiness Track: How to Apply the Science of Happiness to Accelerate Your Success. Piatkus; London, UK. 2016.

4. Wu G, Feder A, Cohen H, Kim JJ, Calderon S, Charney DS, Matthe AA. Understanding Resilience. Frontiers in Behavioral Neuroscience;2013(7):1-15.

5. Lyubomirsky S. The Myths of Happiness: What should make you happy but doesn’t, what shouldn’t make you happy but does. Penguin Books; New York. 2013.

6. Fredrickson B. Positivity: Groundbreaking Research to Release Your Inner Optimist and Thrive. Oneworld Publications; Oxford, England. 2010.

7. Diener E, Biswas-Diener R. Happiness: Unlocking the Mysteries of Psychological Wealth. Blackwell Publishing; Oxford, UK. 200.

8. Seligman MEP. Flourish: A New Understanding of Happiness and Well-Being- and How to Achieve Them. Nicholas Brealey Publishing; London, UK. 2011.

9. Frankl VE. Man’s Search for Meaning. Rider Ebury Publishing, Random House, UK. 2004.

10. Layous K, Lyubomirsky S. The How, Why, What, When and Who of Happiness. In: Gruber J, Moskowitz JT (Ed.), Positive Emotion: Integrating the Light Sides and Dark Sides. Oxford University Press; New York. 2014.

If you found this information helpful, please consider supporting the campaign under Just Giving. Of course it is also great if you choose to support another charity or do a practical good deed, but it would be nice if you could let me know that you have done this because you felt inspired by this campaign. Please also feel free to share this post and let me know if you have any constructive feedback- good or bad!

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Follow the Blog- http://followthegoodlifecampaign.blogspot.co.uk

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Donations are in aid of the International Rescue Committee and the World Veterinary Service

Can You Face The Storm?- About Resilience Part 1

‘You never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have.’

                                                                                                            Bob Marley (Musician)

When I launched this blog, it was really important to me to inform about all aspects of well-being. A Good Life is not just about happiness and mere positive thinking – it is also about recognizing that negative events are not only an inevitable but also important part of our lives. I would now like to build on some of the previous posts and explore the concept of resilience, which has been fascinating me for quite some time. Why do some people just seem to be able to cope with almost anything life throws at them (and often flourish regardless) while others don’t?

The term resilience can be defined as ‘the capacity to recover quickly from difficulties’ or ‘toughness’.¹ Just to avoid any misunderstandings: Resilience is not at all about being tough on ourselves in order to ‘harden up’. Although resilient people may elect to forgo some of their needs in circumstances where this is necessary to achieve an overarching goal, they are rather attuned to their needs and limitations. But they are also aware of their strengths and are able to respond flexibly to challenges of their environment, retaining the ability to choose their reaction and make best use of their energy and resources. So the reason they are tough is because they are able to stay flexible, responsive and open hearted under pressure, rather than becoming reactive and defensive. Or in other words it is more a ‘flexible toughness’ or the ability to ‘bounce back’ rather than a ‘rigid toughness’. This ability to bounce back may apply to a single traumatic experience, chronic or terminal illness or the chronic pressures of an extremely demanding job.

This and next week’s posts will provide a general overview on resilience, but as occupational stress is a particularly widespread problem (especially - but not only - for veterinary staff), a separate post on resilience at work will also follow. As we will see, some people have an inherently greater ability to deal with challenging life, but what I would really like to demonstrate is that resilience can also be understood as a set of skills, which we can all learn in order to increase our capacity to cope with adversity regardless of our initial ‘set-point’. As with any of the other posts, please share this information via print-out, email or social media- it may help somebody you know!

Influence of genes, personality and life experiences:

• Genes and personality: Multiple genetic factors are thought to significantly influence resilience, with some genes having a protective influence while others increase the susceptibility to stress, and in some cases the genetic protection appears to be enough to make somebody very resilient.² Sometimes, there is also a more complicated interaction between genes and environmental factors at critical time periods of development, changing the function and expression of a gene (also called epigenetics). Our personality traits (likewise partially determined by our genes) also make a difference. People scoring high on the personality trait of ‘neuroticism’ and people who are highly sensitive to external stimuli tend to find it more difficult to deal with stress and negative events.^3,4 You can remind yourself of the different personality traits in the post What Do YOU need- Part 1; a separate post on Highly Sensitive People will follow at another time. Conversely, people who score low on these traits are likely to be more resilient. Additionally, extraverts tend to need more external stimulation and rewards, and people who score high on the personality trait of conscientiousness are generally more organized and/or more industrious than others.³ This may have an influence on how much they can handle without feeling overwhelmed, although the type and duration of the stress factor of course also plays a role.
• In early childhood, a secure (emotional and physical) attachment between the child and the primary care-giver (usually the mother) is very important for personal development. This secure attachment develops with positive and consistent interaction. Securely attached children are generally more likely to develop emotional stability, they are more flexible in their response, and have better interpersonal relationships. If the child cannot form a secure attachment pattern, it may have difficulties forming close relationships, may not be able to regulate emotions and/or may be more at risk of developing post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) later in life.⁵ However, even if the child has initially not been able to form a secure attachment, it may still be able to foster such an attachment type later in life through a positive relationship with another person (e.g. another member of the family or other trusted person).⁵
• Traumatic events: Severe adversity in childhood (e.g. abuse, neglect or exposure to war and associated violence) can cause lasting negative changes in the brain and stress response system.² Similarly, traumatic events in adulthood can have a detrimental effect on our well-being and can reduce our resilience to future life events.⁷ However, absence of traumatic events does not necessarily make us more resilient. In fact, people who had to face at least some adversity in their life generally have a higher level of well-being in the long run than people who never faced any adversity. ^2,7 This appears to be particularly the case, if people feel that they continue to have some control in the negative situation. So under certain circumstances, adversity in itself can make us more resilient (also called post-traumatic growth or stress inoculation).^2,6,7 This also appears to be possible for survivors of childhood trauma, provided that they have appropriate social support.²  

How is it possible to become more resilient?

One reassuring fact is that we generally seem to underestimate our resilience and ability to cope- Bob Marley was quite right there!^2,6,8 However, we can also actively increase our resilience by learning from other people.

Resilient people have range of thinking patterns, mind-sets and behaviours,^2,5-9 which help them to overcome difficult life situations. As we all have the capacity to change our thinking patterns and behaviours (although this requires some motivation and persistence) we can also learn this ‘resilience skill set’. This may even lead to lasting changes in our brains: As I have already mentioned in some previous posts, the nerve cells (neurons) of our brains form new physical connections when learning new habits and exploring new ways of thinking, a process called neuroplasticity.⁵ This means that we become effectively ‘re-wired’ when learning new skills.

We will discuss the specific thinking patterns and behaviours in the next post, but broadly speaking, resilient people show the following characteristics and strategies:^2,5,6,10

• Emotional Intelligence: This includes components like self-awareness; the ability to recognize, understand and express own feelings; regulation of own emotions, including seeking positive emotions and developing a realistic optimism, and constructively managing negative emotions; understand the feeling of others and relating to other people (empathy and compassion); the ability to manage change, adapt and solve personal and interpersonal problems; self-motivation; seeking social support in difficult situation. 
• Appropriate self-care, self-compassion and self-esteem: This includes looking after our physical and mental needs in a way, which ensures long-term well-being, and seeing ourselves as a fundamentally good person.
• Active coping: Active coping means that we assess difficult situations, and find effective strategies to deal with problems. Wherever possible, the primary focus is on changing the situation (problem-focused coping). Active coping is in contrast to avoidant or passive coping, where we become withdrawn and/or escape into alcohol or drug abuse. 
• Reasoning and moral compass: This includes the ability to put things into perspective; having a strong internal belief system, clear values and a sense of purpose in life.

A remarkable book about resilience and how one encounter can change our whole life:

Into the Magic Shop by James Doty is based on the true life story of the author. James Doty, now neurosurgeon at Stanford University, grew up in poverty and very difficult family circumstances. His father was an alcoholic and his mother suffered from chronic depression. James often felt out of control and found it difficult to cope with his life and the family situation. One day, he went into a magic trick shop- a visit, which would change his life. In the shop, he met a woman who taught him how to control his mind and body, and how to use those skills to overcome difficult situations. These lessons helped James Doty several times throughout his eventful life, although he still had to learn some things the hard way. This is a truly inspiring book about compassion and the ability to overcome adversity!

A truly amazing person- What can we learn from…:¹¹

One of the things that I have particularly enjoyed over the last couple of years is reading biographies and life stories of some very remarkable people. Only a short time ago, I have come across the story of a young woman, which has thoroughly impressed me and I would like to share her story with you:

Lizzie Velasquez was born with a rare variation of a medical syndrome (neonatal progeroid syndrome), which does not allow her to store any body fat or build up muscle tissue, and it is not possible for her to gain weight. As a result she has a very distinct visual appearance, which made her a target for bullying throughout her life. Despite her extremely supportive and loving family, Lizzie Velasquez sometimes found it very difficult to cope with the challenges of her life situation; this culminated when she discovered one day that somebody had uploaded a YouTube video of her, calling her ‘the world’s ugliest woman’. The video had been viewed thousands of times and a large number of viewers had left hateful and vile comments.

Understandably, Lizzie Velasquez was devastated and heartbroken on discovery of this video. Although she initially thought about fighting back and engaging directly with the bullies, she changed her mind and chose not to allow them to decide what defined her: It was not other peoples opinions about her appearance which mattered, but it was about what she thought defined a good person.  Lizzie Velasquez used the negativity of the cyber-bullies as a motivation to become ‘her best possible self’, by pursuing her goal to become a motivational speaker, book author and campaigner against bullying. In her book Be Beautiful Be You, Lizzie Vasquez shares the strategies and habits, which have helped and are helping her through the challenges of her daily life.

There is no doubt, that Lizzie Vasquez is a remarkable resilient person and she admits that ‘I think the best advice I have ever given is to not ever give up.’ In times when everybody seems to obsess over body image, Lizzie Vasquez sends a very strong message about the importance of inner values.

To find out more about the amazing Lizzie Vasquez you can watch her TEDx lecture on You Tube, go to the webpage of the film documentary about her life story imwithlizzie.com, or go to www.huffingtonpost.com: How being called the worlds ugliest woman transformed her life

Preview: Next week it is time to look in detail into all the individual mind-sets and behaviours, which can help us build resilience- so that we can deal with the times when being strong is our only choice.

References and further evidence-based reading:

1. https://en.oxforddictionaries.com/definition/resilience

2. Wu G, Feder A, Cohen H, Kim JJ, Calderon S, Charney DS, Matthe AA. Understanding Resilience. Frontiers in Behavioral Neuroscience;2013(7):1-15.

3. Nettle D. Personality: What makes you the way you are. Oxford University Press; New York. 2007.

4. Aron E N: The Highly Sensitive Person. HarperCollins Publishers; London. 1999.

5. Siegel D. Mindsight: Transform Your Brain with the New Science of Kindness. Oneworld Publications; Oxford, UK. 2011.

6. Lyubomirsky S. The Myths of Happiness: What should make you happy but doesn’t, what shouldn’t make you happy but does. Penguin Books; New York. 2013.

7. Seligman MEP. Flourish: A New Understanding of Happiness and Well-Being- and How to Achieve Them. Nicholas Brealey Publishing; London, UK. 2011.

8. Diener E, Biswas-Diener R. Happiness: Unlocking the Mysteries of Psychological Wealth. Blackwell Publishing; Oxford, UK. 2008.

9. Fredrickson B. Positivity: Groundbreaking Research to Release Your Inner Optimist and Thrive. Oneworld Publications; Oxford, England. 2010.

10. Wiens KJ. Leading Through Burnout: The Influence Of Emotional Intelligence On The Ability Of Executive Level Physician Leaders To Cope With Occupational Stress And Burnout [Dissertation]. University of Pennsylvania. 2016.

11. References for the section ‘Truly amazing person’: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c62Aqdlzvqk, http://imwithlizzie.com, http://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/how-being-called-the-worlds-ugliest-woman-transformed-her-life_us_56213be0e4b02f6a900c1d0c

If you found this information helpful, please consider supporting the campaign under Just Giving. Of course it is also great if you choose to support another charity or do a practical good deed, but it would be nice if you could let me know that you have done this because you felt inspired by this campaign. Please also feel free to share this post and let me know if you have any constructive feedback- good or bad!

View and Save as PDF

Follow the Blog- http://followthegoodlifecampaign.blogspot.co.uk

Donations- https://www.justgiving.com/teams/thegoodlifecampaign

Donations are in aid of the International Rescue Committee and the World Veterinary Service