‘You never know how
strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have.’
Bob Marley (Musician)
When
I launched this blog, it was really important to me to inform about all aspects
of well-being. A Good Life is not just about happiness and mere positive
thinking – it is also about recognizing that negative events are not only an
inevitable but also important part of our lives. I would now like to build on
some of the previous posts and explore the concept of resilience, which has
been fascinating me for quite some time. Why do some people just seem to be
able to cope with almost anything life throws at them (and often flourish
regardless) while others don’t?
The
term resilience can be defined as ‘the capacity to recover quickly from
difficulties’ or ‘toughness’.1 Just to avoid any misunderstandings:
Resilience is not at all about being tough on ourselves in order to ‘harden
up’. Although resilient people may elect to forgo some of their needs in circumstances
where this is necessary to achieve an overarching goal, they are rather attuned
to their needs and limitations. But they are also aware of their strengths and
are able to respond flexibly to challenges of their environment, retaining the
ability to choose their reaction and make best use of their energy and
resources. So the reason they are tough is because they are able to stay
flexible, responsive and open hearted under pressure, rather than becoming
reactive and defensive. Or in other words it is more a ‘flexible toughness’ or
the ability to ‘bounce back’ rather than a ‘rigid toughness’. This ability to
bounce back may apply to a single traumatic experience, chronic or terminal
illness or the chronic pressures of an extremely demanding job.
This and next week’s
posts will provide a general overview on resilience, but as occupational stress
is a particularly widespread problem (especially - but not only - for
veterinary staff), a separate post on resilience at work will also follow. As
we will see, some people have an inherently greater ability to deal with
challenging life, but what I would really like to demonstrate is that
resilience can also be understood as a set of skills, which we can all learn in
order to increase our capacity to cope with adversity regardless of our initial
‘set-point’. As with any of the other
posts, please share this information via print-out, email or social media- it
may help somebody you know!
Influence of genes, personality and life experiences:
- Genes and personality: Multiple genetic factors are thought to significantly influence resilience, with some genes having a protective influence while others increase the susceptibility to stress, and in some cases the genetic protection appears to be enough to make somebody very resilient.2 Sometimes, there is also a more complicated interaction between genes and environmental factors at critical time periods of development, changing the function and expression of a gene (also called epigenetics). Our personality traits (likewise partially determined by our genes) also make a difference. People scoring high on the personality trait of ‘neuroticism’ and people who are highly sensitive to external stimuli tend to find it more difficult to deal with stress and negative events.3,4 You can remind yourself of the different personality traits in the post What Do YOU need- Part 1; a separate post on Highly Sensitive People will follow at another time. Conversely, people who score low on these traits are likely to be more resilient. Additionally, extraverts tend to need more external stimulation and rewards, and people who score high on the personality trait of conscientiousness are generally more organized and/or more industrious than others.3 This may have an influence on how much they can handle without feeling overwhelmed, although the type and duration of the stress factor of course also plays a role.
- In early childhood, a secure (emotional and physical) attachment between the child and the primary care-giver (usually the mother) is very important for personal development. This secure attachment develops with positive and consistent interaction. Securely attached children are generally more likely to develop emotional stability, they are more flexible in their response, and have better interpersonal relationships. If the child cannot form a secure attachment pattern, it may have difficulties forming close relationships, may not be able to regulate emotions and/or may be more at risk of developing post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) later in life.5 However, even if the child has initially not been able to form a secure attachment, it may still be able to foster such an attachment type later in life through a positive relationship with another person (e.g. another member of the family or other trusted person).5
- Traumatic events: Severe adversity in childhood (e.g. abuse, neglect or exposure to war and associated violence) can cause lasting negative changes in the brain and stress response system.2 Similarly, traumatic events in adulthood can have a detrimental effect on our well-being and can reduce our resilience to future life events.7 However, absence of traumatic events does not necessarily make us more resilient. In fact, people who had to face at least some adversity in their life generally have a higher level of well-being in the long run than people who never faced any adversity. 2,7 This appears to be particularly the case, if people feel that they continue to have some control in the negative situation. So under certain circumstances, adversity in itself can make us more resilient (also called post-traumatic growth or stress inoculation).2,6,7 This also appears to be possible for survivors of childhood trauma, provided that they have appropriate social support.2
How is it possible to become more resilient?
One
reassuring fact is that we generally seem to underestimate our resilience and
ability to cope- Bob Marley was quite right there!2,6,8 However, we
can also actively increase our resilience by learning from other people.
Resilient
people have range of thinking patterns,
mind-sets and behaviours,2,5-9 which help them to overcome
difficult life situations. As we all have the capacity to change our thinking
patterns and behaviours (although this requires some motivation and persistence)
we can also learn this ‘resilience skill set’. This may even lead to lasting
changes in our brains: As I have already mentioned in some previous posts, the
nerve cells (neurons) of our brains form new physical connections when learning
new habits and exploring new ways of thinking, a process called neuroplasticity.5 This means
that we become effectively ‘re-wired’ when learning new skills.
We
will discuss the specific thinking patterns and behaviours in the next post,
but broadly speaking, resilient people show the following characteristics and
strategies:2,5,6,10
- Emotional Intelligence: This includes components like self-awareness; the ability to recognize, understand and express own feelings; regulation of own emotions, including seeking positive emotions and developing a realistic optimism, and constructively managing negative emotions; understand the feeling of others and relating to other people (empathy and compassion); the ability to manage change, adapt and solve personal and interpersonal problems; self-motivation; seeking social support in difficult situation.
- Appropriate self-care, self-compassion and self-esteem: This includes looking after our physical and mental needs in a way, which ensures long-term well-being, and seeing ourselves as a fundamentally good person.
- Active coping: Active coping means that we assess difficult situations, and find effective strategies to deal with problems. Wherever possible, the primary focus is on changing the situation (problem-focused coping). Active coping is in contrast to avoidant or passive coping, where we become withdrawn and/or escape into alcohol or drug abuse.
- Reasoning and moral compass: This includes the ability to put things into perspective; having a strong internal belief system, clear values and a sense of purpose in life.
A remarkable book about resilience
and how one encounter can change our whole life:
Into the Magic Shop by James Doty is based on
the true life story of the author. James Doty, now neurosurgeon at Stanford
University, grew up in poverty and very difficult family circumstances. His
father was an alcoholic and his mother suffered from chronic depression. James
often felt out of control and found it difficult to cope with his life and the
family situation. One day, he went into a magic trick shop- a visit, which
would change his life. In the shop, he met a woman who taught him how to
control his mind and body, and how to use those skills to overcome difficult
situations. These lessons helped James Doty several times throughout his
eventful life, although he still had to learn some things the hard way. This is
a truly inspiring book about compassion and the ability to overcome adversity!
A truly amazing person- What
can we learn from…:11
One
of the things that I have particularly enjoyed over the last couple of years is
reading biographies and life stories of some very remarkable people. Only a
short time ago, I have come across the story of a young woman, which has
thoroughly impressed me and I would like to share her story with you:
Lizzie Velasquez was born with a rare variation
of a medical syndrome (neonatal progeroid syndrome), which does not allow her
to store any body fat or build up muscle tissue, and it is not possible for her
to gain weight. As a result she has a very distinct visual appearance, which
made her a target for bullying throughout her life. Despite her extremely
supportive and loving family, Lizzie Velasquez sometimes found it very
difficult to cope with the challenges of her life situation; this culminated
when she discovered one day that somebody had uploaded a YouTube video of her,
calling her ‘the world’s ugliest woman’. The video had been viewed thousands of
times and a large number of viewers had left hateful and vile comments.
Understandably,
Lizzie Velasquez was devastated and heartbroken on discovery of this video.
Although she initially thought about fighting back and engaging directly with
the bullies, she changed her mind and chose not to allow them to decide what
defined her: It was not other peoples opinions about her appearance which
mattered, but it was about what she thought defined a good person. Lizzie Velasquez used the negativity of the
cyber-bullies as a motivation to become ‘her best possible self’, by pursuing
her goal to become a motivational speaker, book author and campaigner against
bullying. In her book Be Beautiful Be You,
Lizzie Vasquez shares the strategies and habits, which have helped and are
helping her through the challenges of her daily life.
There
is no doubt, that Lizzie Vasquez is a remarkable resilient person and she
admits that ‘I think the best advice I have ever given is to not ever give up.’ In times when everybody seems to obsess over body image, Lizzie
Vasquez sends a very strong message about the importance of inner values.
To find out more about
the amazing Lizzie Vasquez you can watch her TEDx lecture on You Tube, go to the webpage
of the film documentary about her life story imwithlizzie.com, or go to www.huffingtonpost.com: How being
called the worlds ugliest woman transformed her life
Preview: Next week it is time to look in detail into all the individual
mind-sets and behaviours, which can help us build resilience- so that we can
deal with the times when being strong is our only choice.
References and further evidence-based reading:
2. Wu G, Feder A, Cohen H, Kim JJ, Calderon S, Charney
DS, Matthe AA. Understanding Resilience. Frontiers in Behavioral Neuroscience;2013(7):1-15.
3. Nettle D. Personality: What makes you the way you
are. Oxford University Press; New York. 2007.
4. Aron E N: The Highly Sensitive Person. HarperCollins
Publishers; London. 1999.
5. Siegel D. Mindsight:
Transform Your Brain with the New Science of Kindness. Oneworld Publications;
Oxford, UK. 2011.
6. Lyubomirsky S. The
Myths of Happiness: What should make you happy but doesn’t, what shouldn’t make
you happy but does. Penguin Books; New York. 2013.
7. Seligman MEP. Flourish:
A New Understanding of Happiness and Well-Being- and How to Achieve Them.
Nicholas Brealey Publishing; London, UK. 2011.
8. Diener E, Biswas-Diener
R. Happiness: Unlocking the Mysteries of Psychological Wealth. Blackwell
Publishing; Oxford, UK. 2008.
9. Fredrickson B.
Positivity: Groundbreaking Research to Release Your Inner Optimist and Thrive.
Oneworld Publications; Oxford, England. 2010.
10. Wiens KJ. Leading
Through Burnout: The Influence Of Emotional Intelligence On The Ability Of
Executive Level Physician Leaders To Cope With Occupational Stress And Burnout
[Dissertation]. University of Pennsylvania. 2016.
11. References for the
section ‘Truly amazing person’: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c62Aqdlzvqk, http://imwithlizzie.com, http://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/how-being-called-the-worlds-ugliest-woman-transformed-her-life_us_56213be0e4b02f6a900c1d0c
If you found this information helpful, please consider supporting the campaign under Just Giving. Of course it is also great if you choose to support another charity or do a practical good deed, but it would be nice if you could let me know that you have done this because you felt inspired by this campaign. Please also feel free to share this post and let me know if you have any constructive feedback- good or bad!
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